diva

irritating buzzword used by major record labels and media outlets on a slow news day to describe female singers (songs of which are usually prepared by the same three writers) whose musical releases usually consist of the same generic pap and the mainstay of whose audience tends to be depressed housewives who fantasize that the lyrics are about them.

chanteuse is another such buzzword. It should be mentioned that the Canadian corporate media will not hesitate to use said word on front page, even if a bomb has gone off at the U.N. or leprosy has infected the British royal family, to describe irritating women singers such as celine dion, to promote such singers as proud embodiments of Canadiana, despite the fact that if the Canadian populace was forced to sit through a Celine Dion or shania twain concert, twenty percent of Canadians would attempt suicide.

Harry picked up a copy of today's Toronto Star. The small text adjacent to the page listing read "FERGIE 5TH LEPER VICTIM". This seemed like an interesting story...but as he flipped over the paper to read its headline he was confronted by a full-colour protrait of that Quebecois monstrosity with the headline in size-40 type: DIVA DION TOPS. He shook his head. Another slow news day.

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washington times

daily newspaper funded by the Unification Church of Sun Myung Moon. It is known for its ultra-conservative several-steps-past-nuttiness viewpoint.
Is in fact so supportive of the texas chimp that one begins to wonder if it is put out by the white house. Tops even Bill O'Reilly in Bush butt-kissing.

Dude...when you buy the washington times, you're supporting the moonies.

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oriental beef

a dispute which involves chinese or south-east asian people. Also the act of starting such dispute with said folks. Comes from the name of a popular flavor of ramen noodles

Dude, he pissed off the black dragon triads? serious oriental beef, man...

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419

SECTION OF NIGERIAN LAW WHICH COVERS FRAUD. OFTEN CALLED A NIGERIAN 419 SCAM BECAUSE THE EMAIL SCAM PROMISING A PERCENTAGE OF THE CASH IF YOU HELP MOVE MONEY OUTTA THE COUNTRY ORIGINATED IN NIGERIA. MANY SCAMMERS ARE POOR AND SO MUST USE KEYBOARDS WITH THE CAPS LOCK KEY PERMANENTLY JAMMED DOWN.

also the name of the fictitious hip-hop group created by the Ebola Monkey Man in his often hilaroius discourses with scammers. www.ebolamonkeyman.com

I AM GENERAL IMAN AL-KOHOLIK OF THE ARMY OF THE LATE SANI ABACHA FORMER PRESIDENT OF NIGERIA AND I WISH TO ASK FOR...

ted looked away from his computer for a second. "fuckin' 419".

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e-penis

a term used in connection with internet-related boasting or toughguy-ness. The more one boasts the larger his e-penis can be said to be. The term is a mildly insulting comparison of one's unconfirmable boasts with individuals' boasts of their penile length

InternetDude01: I dont care if they were Hells Angels. I would have fucking fucked up all of them...baseball bat to the knees, then pepper-spray to the eyes when theyre on the ground...
InternetDude02: Wow, your e-penis must be at least a meter long...

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national post

canadian national newspaper, the canadian equivalent of the usa today. absolutely obsessed with terrorism, israel and celine dion, and it is a sure bet that any day's headline not being about "NEW TERROR THREAT TO CANADIAN FAMILIES!!!" will be either "SHANIA UNVEILS NEW SHOES!!!" or "CELINE RETURNS!!!"

Billy picked up the day's National Post. The front page headline read, in 40-point type, "POTENTIAL TERROR ATTACK! UNIDENTIFIED LARGE BLOB OF FATTY SUBSTANCE WASHES ASHORE!"

Billy scratched his head. Had no one thought of the possibility that Celine Dion's husband may have been out yachting?

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antique farm equipment

a somewhat obscure racial slur used against black folk- the inference being that they were used for farm work a good while ago and so would be "antique".

Larry shook his head, "Now ah say this was a good neighborhood but now its being overrun by these dang pieces of antique farm equipment..."

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