An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman

A collection of jokes known mostly by residents of the United Kingdom which involve a man from England, Scotland and Ireland. The jokes are commonly long and end up with the Irishman being made a fool of or making the pun of the joke.

The jokes rarely involve Wales. Lucky Buggers.

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all invited to a Christmas party. In order to get into the party, they must bring something relevant with Christmas. On the day, the Scotsman turns up with a Christmas tree, so he is allowed in. The Englishman turns up and brings a cracker, so he allowed in aswell. Eventually the Irishman turns up also, holding a pair of ladies underwear. The guard at the door asks him, "What have they got to do with Christmas?"

The Irishman replies, "They're Carols".

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wheesh'd

Scottish slang for 'shush' or 'quiet' and sometimes 'shut up'. Usually used after 'haud yer'. Favoured mostly by scottish school teachers as a slightly more polite way of saying "shut up you non-educated deliquents!" (see: ned).

Occassionally can be alternatively spelt as 'wheesht'.

Haud yer wheesh'd, sonny!

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Ken

1. Scottish slang for 'Know' or 'No'.

2. That bastard down the road who keeps asking me to come out and play.

1. "Ya ken wit a mean?"
(You know what I mean?)

2. "Play?"
(Secretly, I'm over at your house just to piss you off.)

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