Leah Haines

A beslobbering cockard strumpet.

What once was a whole wall will now become hollow in the presence of this woman. Hang a large sprinkled chocolate cookie in your windowsill to summon her. Leave a dollar under your pillow and she’ll bring you tooth that’s passed through her. Be weary for if you approach her alone, you’ll be greeted with a moist phrase or two. If you’re stuck on a conversation starter, ask her about Ken, she’ll ramble on for days. If you dare to challenge her, you’ll end up in a wooden onesie. Can be observed splooting during the summer months in her backyard.

I got fired today, let’s just say I went Leah Haines on her.