couch

Verb: to take a quick nap, especially just before or just after a big event

Emmy's all-night party is tonight, so I'm gonna go couch for a while. Tell me if anyone calls.

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Telewrath

A combination of the words "telepathic" and "wrath" into a cleverly fitting play on "telepath". Telewrath refers to a silent but fervent bitching out of someone that probably doesn't even know you're mad at them. If someone has done something to offend you and you are not willing to invest the time to confront them about it, you are most likely going to do some telewrath- cussing them out, getting in their face, showing them you're really pissed off... but all without actually saying anything to them. It is generally hoped that telewrath will be picked up on and the person at whom the telewrath is directed will, of his or her own initiative, right the wrong they have committed. Unfortunately, it hardly ever works out that way.

Goddamnit, Jason. If you could only feel my telewrath... *scowl*

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Bizitchin'

Used to describe something that is even cooler than just plain bitchin'. Taking "bitchin'" a step further, if you will.

Some Kid: "Wow, you've got quite a bizitchin' CD collection, Megsi."
Me: "Yeah... I kinda have to, being the Secretary of Being Totally Awesome and all..."

awesomeness test

1) An act of what appears to be generosity- such as lending an acquaintance a CD or movie, etc., or allowing them to choose what to do for fun- that is really more of a method of evaluating whether or not they're up to your cool standards.

2) An inner struggle that involves the choice between what you believe is cool and what society tells you is cool; if you allow your sense of coolness to triumph over popular opinion, you have passed the awesomeness test.

1) When she let him pick which club to go to, he thought that she must really be into him, but in reality she was just giving him an awesomeness test.

2) When, against her interests, she went with her friends to see a Fallout Boy concert instead of staying home and watching Quentin Tarantino movies and drinking Coke and rum, she knew she had failed another awesomeness test and was too dejected to even find the fact that the lead singer looks like a monkey humorous.

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one-upper

If you have had a bad day, a one-upper has had the absolute worst day of their entire life and possibly the worst in recorded history. If you met a hot guy on vacation, the one-upper banged Brad Pitt on vacation. If your brother bought you a really cool new CD for your birthday, the one-upper’s brother is God. The one-upper is the most obnoxious and hateable person you have ever met, but they are probably proud that they have one-upped everyone else you ever thought you hated.

I found twenty dollars in the street the other day and I was feeling pretty lucky, until that accursed one-upper told everybody that on that very day he discovered Donald Trump was his uncle. God, I hate that guy.

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