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During the act of male masturbation, cruise cumtrol is the task of maintaining one's erection either whilst browsing pornographic videos, while the video is loading/buffering, while the video is streaming mundane content (see "fap forward"), during the awkward scrotum vag exclusive shots, etc. If performed correctly, cruise cumtrol requires minimal lubrication due to the speed of the stroke, and increases the intensity of one's orgasm. The inconvenient truth of the matter is that the cruise cumtrol stage of masturbation often lasts the majority duration of the masturbatory session but significantly enhances the size of the male's warm gooey bukake mess.
Mike 1: Dude I had like a 40 min fap sesh last night
Mike 2: Your dick must be raw as roadkill!
Mike 1: Naw I was in the act of cruise cumtrol for 99% of it and how I have to send my mac to the apple store for cleaning...
Similar to a stealth bomber, this is when a male attempts to hide his erection from others. Depending on the intensity of the erection, the size of the male's penis, and the clothes he is wearing, the male may go about a stealth boner in several ways:the most common is to stick his penis upwardly flat against his abdomen using his pants to hold it down. If the erection is only mild in intensity, he may try and hold the erection against his thigh in his pant leg. Attempting to have a stealth boner is exponentially more difficult whilst wearing gym shorts and/or no shirt. Most men grow increasingly adept at using stealth boners since the onset of puberty.
Mike 2: Dude I gotta go talk to one of the director's but that hot audit chick gave me a raging stiffy...what do I do???
Mike 1: Just walk in with a stealth boner dumbass!
"Raped" spelled backward. This term refers to the very small percentage of the time where a person (likely female) implores you to stop touching, groping, or performing any other sexual advances when, in fact, the individual actually wants said advances but expresses the opposite sentiment for various, unknown reasons. You, being the upstanding and law-abiding individual that you are, immediately cease all sexual advances in efforts to avoid rape and/or sexual harassment charges. Usually the person being "sexually harassed" sends a disappointed text message the next day asking why you stopped your sexual advances and adds something like "I wanted to fuck you so badly".
Kelly: Mike, what happened last night, I wanted you to fuck my brains out?
Me: You yelled "stop you're raping me"!
Kelly: I was just saying that so you'd try harder!
Me: Omg I just got depar
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The stupid shit people say whilst in the act of intercourse, presumably to arouse their partners. Examples include "Your dick is so hard/big", "you're so wet", "you feel so good inside of me", "you're gonna make me cum so hard", etc. This occurs exponentially more frequently in adult films-likely for the viewing pleasure of the audience.
Mike 1: Yo I slayed this slam piece over the weekend
Mike 2: How was it?
Mike 2: Pretty awesome, but her bang blabber was fucking annoying
This act normally occurs during heterosexual intercourse performed in the "reverse cowgirl" position, but can occur in the midst of other positions. While the man's penis is inside the woman and she moves too far one way (typically towards the man's feet), causing an outstretched, uncomfortable sensation for the man.
Mike 2: Me Julie was riding me reverse cowgirl last night and gave my dick a serious case of cuntorsion the way she was movin.
Mike 1: Weird, that never seems to happen to me...
A Siberian mudslide can be performed via multiple sexual positions and among both heterosexual and homosexual partners, however doggystyle is the preferable position for maximum value. It is also recommended that you ingest a large helping of horse laxatives approximately 30-40 minutes before sex. After ejaculating onto your partner's back (preferably as high as possible without entering the neck area), quickly point your anus onto the semen that you've just laid and defecate as much as possible before your partner moves. Your partner will quickly realize what is transpiring, causing him or her to quickly jump up, thus causing the whitish-brown semen feces explosion to slide down his or her back, thus resembling an icy mudslide in Siberia.
Mike 1: Yo you'll never guess what I did to my wife last night!
Mike 2: Dude what???
Mike 1: I took 30 grams of pure bear laxatives, came on her back and gave her a good old Siberian mudslide.
Mike 2: Dude no way, let me get some of those laxatives and I'll try it tonight!
When one skips the first few minutes of a pornographic video (in most cases, free and online) that set up the plot of the porn. These few minutes are often filled by poor acting and frequently face plot issues such as hesitancy toward incest, sexual ultimatums, school girls offering sexual favors to their teachers, etc. Some pornographic sites have recently begun to do everyone a favor and provide bookmarks in their videos so that one may "fap forward" precisely to the sexual content.
Mike 1: Yo I was hesitant to click on this 50 minute porno on Brazzers last night but it was totally worth it!
Mike 2: Wow you sat through the whole thing?
Mike 1: No I just fap forwarded 38 minutes past the principal convincing the school girl to deep-throat his chode.