disinternet

transitive verb
1. to deprive of means, reason, or disposition to be accessing the world wide web
2. a: to divest of the internet <disinternet your children> b: to deprive of a means to access the web <disinternet a computer>
3. to release from the internet

intransitive verb
1: to lay aside the internet
2: to give up or reduce internet use
3. to release or detach oneself from the web

"If I don't disinternet my wife is going to divorce me."

"There is so much garbage on the web I told my kids they had to disinternet."

"We had to disinternet office computers due to lost productivity."

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pretzelled

Confused, twisted, or bent out of shape.

I'm a little pretzelled about that new movie.

That psychopath clown is pretzelled.

When I drove my bike off the edge I pretzelled my front wheel.