Brewin' a fresh pot

The point in time where you realize that you'll need to take a dump in the next 5 to 10 minutes. About the same amount of time it takes to brew a fresh pot of coffee.

"Hey man, I gotta get going."
"Already?"
"Yeah, I'm brewin' a fresh pot."

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rectal numbers

The term used when you have no choice but to pull numbers out of your ass.

Tom wanted a company-wide inventory report broken down by site, categorized by department, and sorted by date, time, and calculated return on investment divided by the square root of 2,496. And he wanted it done by lunch. So I just pulled some rectal numbers and sent it to him.