Beer

A bland, watery alcoholic drink helping ugly people have sex since 1862.

Michael- Dude I can't believe you slept with her! She's such an ugly slut... she's like 400 pounds too!
Chris- I had beer, what do you expect? It happens.

Nelly (at party)- well this party sucks. I'm leaving.
Sally (also at party)- wait I just got 3 6-packs!
Nelly- well hell yeah then I'll stay!

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Christian

A person who has accepted Jesus Christ as their savior. That's all one must do to become a Christian. Contrary to popular belief, most Christians are tolerant and realistic people. However, only the hypocritical ones get publicized, due to the media loathing anything relating to God and/or family values. Yes, many Christians go to church, but the most reasonable ones don't force it upon others. Christians enjoy personal relationships with Jesus and don't really belong in an "organized religion" as the media implies. Reasonable Christians get really mad when other Christians act hypocritical or rude to other people.

Christian: Hey, what's up? Let's hang out, or go to the movies sometime. Or go to the mall, whatever's good :)
Christian-hater: Dude, I'm glad I met you. You're such a great friend; you don't seem to hate anyone and you're always up for fun, although not so much drugs and sex. I'm just glad you're not a Christian. Those frickin homophobes are everything that's wrong with this country.
Christian: It's really too bad you feel that way. I guess you'll hate me once you find out I'm a Christian. Most of us aren't jerks, you know.
Christian-hater: Ohh crap. Well I feel like a jerk now... but you can't be a Christian. You're too sweet, and sarcastic.
Christian: You accuse of us being narrow-minded; you are too, to be honest. Let's just move on, and we'll both promise to be open-minded best friends, okay?
Christian-hater: Okay, I'll try.
*they hug, then go to the movies and have fun*

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The Ring

The Ring is a horror movie starring Naomi Watts and other people I can't remember. If horror movies don't bother you, this won't either. However if horror movies frighten you, don't watch it. You will freak out if your t.v. goes to that static screen, or if someone calls you saying "seven days". Normally horror movies don't bother me but this one did.

*girl comes out of tv*
me- hey megan, what are you watching?
megan- The Ring. This movie creeps me out!

3👍 2👎

Nachos

Nachos, in its most pure form, consists of tortilla chips and cheese. Any kind of cheese is accepted: nacho cheese (comes in a jar, I don't really know what it actually is but it's tasty as heck), cheddar, pepperjack... it depends on the person preparing it. One may have cheese melted over a bowl/plate of chips, or one can dip chips into cheese (nacho cheese works best for this). Nachos = munchies solver.
San Diego natives, the most superior class of humans, all know the beauty of carne asada nachos: carne asada strips, guacamole, sour cream, beans, cheese, and if you want, jalapenos: all over tortilla chips.
In the end, what constitutes as nachos depends on the person. Nachos are delicious and will make you fatter.

Person brought up in hell: Hey Michelle, what are you eating? That smells so frickin good!! Let me try some *tries some and has an orgasm before entering nirvana*. This is seriously the best thing I've ever tried... too bad I'm allergic to cheese.

Michelle: That's nachos, dude. Nachos.

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Common Sense

Essentially, common sense is seen as knowledge that most people (except babies and the mentally disabled) should know. This can apply to things affecting all humans, or it can pertain to certain peoples and issues. When someone does something that contradicts common sense, you tend to think, "Dude you are so stupid. Anyone with common sense would have avoided that."

Things that universally defy common sense:
-trying to breathe underwater
-staring into the sun to try to see it
-trying to touch a rainbow
-believing politicians truly care about the people
-telling someone with a bazooka to fuck off
-driving on the wrong side of the freeway
-being a hypocrite
-poking any dangerous creature

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Michelley

1. Nickname for Michelle, which is either French or Hebrew for "who is like God?".
2. Extremely attractive and known for their silent yet seductive gazes, Michelley's are sexy. They can be identified with any, but preferably most, of the following physical characteristics: long, blonde wavy hair; golden-green eyes; full lips, great smile; amazing hourglass figure. Approx. 5'6" so the perfect height- not too tall, but not too short.
3. Sweet, affectionate, and extremely loveable; amazing in bed, but to get into bed with a Michelley is an outright miracle, seeing as they are very romantic, as well as sexy.
4. Extremely sarcastic, clever, and quick-witted. A Michelley calls it like it is, but often adds a devious, witty comment that becomes a new quote.
5. She's extremely perceptive. She notices the most subtle show of emotions in people, and people come to her for advice on just about anything.
6. Has book-smarts, common-sense smarts, and is athletic as well. Very competitive.

Guy #1: "Dude, I saw the SEXIEST girl ever today! Absolutely gorgeous, and she's a blonde too! Her green eyes and everything... she's perfect! I haven't stopped thinking about her ever since!"
Guy #2: "Ohhh dude, you saw a Michelley, for sure. Did you take any pictures or get her number?"

Person: Michelley's the sweetest girl in the world. She always gives me hugs when she sees me, and she makes me feel so loved, even if I'm a giant douchebag..

How the heck does Michelley come up with those witty as hell sayings?! Is there a sarcasm gene or something? I couldn't stop laughing while I hung out with her today.

If you need to let out some problems, talk to Michelley. She's a great listener. But don't bother playing games with her. She's so damn competitive and good at everything.

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Lawsuit Whore

A lawsuit whore is a person who sues for problems that are THEIR OWN FAULT. They have no common sense. Many of them have the reputation for being American; however it must be clarified that most Americans are not lawsuit whores and they believe in personal responsibility.

Apparently a burglar got trapped in a garage and had to survive on dog food; then he sued the homeowners and got money. What a lawsuit whore.

Anyone who spills coffee on themselves and sues the place where they bought the coffee is a major lawsuit whore.

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