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long distance relationslump

The toll on a couple normally kept apart by distance, now further separated by travel restrictions.

Their New York-L.A. thing had felt dynamic, sharing best-of-both with alternating weeks. After months of facetime but no actual faces, and no actual bodies, they were in a long distance relationslump.

by Monkey's Dad April 17, 2020


Nuclear Family

A family so potentially explosive that no one dares breathe, knowing that a single-word detonation could destroy everyone in its blast radius

They sat at the dinner table, a nuclear family, Mom, Billy and Sue careful to not make eye contact, no one making any move that could detonate their father's explosive rage. Hiroshima would look like a day in the park, in contrast to the inevitable wreckage.

by Monkey's Dad October 7, 2021

7πŸ‘ 15πŸ‘Ž


Ianaj

The murmured protestation of a woman being served an artfully prepared late-morning breakfast, in bed, with a monogrammed sterling spoon, under a velvet blanket, by a man whose one goal in life is her pleasure and comfort, meant to convey the disclaimer: "I am not a Jap".

Ianaj - obviously you have never known a real one - please bring me my glasses... turn the fan slightly toward the window... my phone... and what time is it?

by Monkey's Dad September 3, 2019

4πŸ‘ 3πŸ‘Ž


Cellphcentered

A common state of being in which a person's life is directed toward and extracted from their cellphone, to the exclusion of actual experience.

She's so cellphcentered she can't take a shower without the freakin' thing in her hand. From the shower, tripping down the stairs, getting honked at while crossing the street, eyes on her phone, she's like, having dinner with tonight's guy she met through her cellphone, covertly staring at the same cellphone in her lap as she swipes right on the next three guys and sends breakup texts to the last three. Ask her the color of tonight's date's eyes, I dare you.

by Monkey's Dad October 22, 2019

20πŸ‘ 2πŸ‘Ž


crawl-in clinic

With hospitals, emergency rooms and ambulances over-taxed with COVID-19 patients, the strip-mall medical facility where you seek care for almost anything.

Having every symptom of massive heart failure, he managed to drive to the crawl-in clinic, a place he'd normally go for a cut finger. In the pandemic, it was his only option.

by Monkey's Dad April 26, 2020


stand down comedian

A professional, on stage in a comedy club, who suddenly understands there is no humor in our predicament, nowhere he can take us that is any more absurd than the facts, and walks off.

Oh, he had material ... Mexico building a wall to keep Americans out... Ivanka's first act as president, pardoning her imprisoned daddy, children dying so the school cafeteria staff could return to work... but he saw that we had fallen beyond the reach of laughter. He was finished, a stand down comedian, and others would silently follow.

by Monkey's Dad July 15, 2020


stay-at-home kid

Every American child in the coronaviral moment.

With his stay-at-home Mom and his stay-at-home Dad, he was now a stay-at-home kid. Watching cartoons and playing video games, he was unsure as to why they both seemed so anxious. That was only for a while. Wasn't it?

by Monkey's Dad March 17, 2020