chamonix crew

sha-maw-NEE kroo

Noun

2. Similar to a landing strip but the hair is cut closer to the skin at a shaver level of no greater than number 3. Also referred to as a “gosh sarge”.

2. A Chamonix Crew is a group of partygoers who reside in Chamonix, France. They must be known to consume mass quantities of wine and whiskey and to start impromptu disco techs in mountain restaurants. The women in the crew always enjoyed a good Duncaning (verb present participle of Duncan). They are usually led by a couple described as a perfect Karen and a tremendous Trevor. Not to be confused with a complimentary crew in Chamonix often lead by a charming Billie or a man described as The Sam or “le Chef”.

3. A reverse Mohawk received only after using ones head as a battering ram and getting a center line shave.

She asked for the special wax and ended up with a Chamonix crew.

A Chamonix Crew rolled through the valley and have it a good Duncaning!

After bashing his head with a T-post driver he had to get a Chamonix crew.

fridgometric system

/ frihjh·ow·mEt-rik ,sih·stuhm /

noun

The FRIDGOMETRIC SYSTEM is a unit of measurement founded to determine a universal and accurate measurement of fun. It is unique in all aspects to previous measurements of fun because it disregards the historical aspects of danger and dollars to just focus on dopamine intensity. the FRIDGOMETRIC SYSTEM succeeded the Gushuez system used in most areas of Southeast Texas.

The evolution of the FRIDGOMETRIC SYSTEM began in the late 20th century, but it has roots in other systems of measurement, namely the that used by the Braniffites. Chief among the experiments using the braniffine system was the testing of Tequila’s impact on gravity and Beach-18s in Falcon Lake, Mexico.

The FRIDGOMETRIC SYSTEM has now become widely accepted because of it’s undeniable accuracy. The only criticism is that it tends to actually under measure the actual fun in anticipation of future fun, which is mathematical corrected by f/2^ec ( where f= 1 fridgometre and ec= 1 dashielogram).

The units of measurement are as follows:

- fridgometre = base unit
- gusometre = 1/13 fridgometre
- chasogram = 4 fridgometres but lacks self-control
- dashielogram = while technically not a unit, it is an exponential factor applied to the fridgometre to amplify/decrease toward the desired outcome

Studies on the impact of the fridgometre on memory and the liver have been dismissed as conspiracy theories by users of the FRIDGOMETRIC SYSTEM.

At our most recent LUNCH Charles forgot our scribe who would record our ideas and rate the experience by fridgometric system standards, so therefore have no idea what was solved.

Ernie put too many dashielograms in the last telling of the tales of the exploits of the Chamonix Crew and how many fridgometres they expended in France.

A fire possum weighs 2 chasometres…

fire possum

fahyuh r POS-uh m

Noun

A man, or someone claiming to be a man, who suggests that he and other men should gather and have an outdoor fire (i.e., in a fire pit or outdoor fireplace) and consume alcoholic beverages. After receiving agreement from the group and prior to the fire being lit, the fire possum ceases communicating with the group. Thus he will play possum prior to the lighting of the fire and kills the event.

A fire possum will often be heard claiming the next day “I no gay?!” Closely related to an Irish Goodbye and clairavoidance.

Ernie sent up a flare that we should come over for some whiskey and fire, but as usual, he turned into a fire possum and no fun was had...

LUNCH

lənch

1. Also known as a nooner or a “boat ride” (during which a boat ride may or may not occur), but always a mid-day sexual encounter with your significant other. Not to be confused with afternoon delight which always occurs after LUNCH.

2. “LUNCH” is an intimate gathering of gentlemen who meet to eat and drink mid-day, not to be confused with “lunch”. The number of gentlemen must exceed three men and has no upper limit other than the size of the table.

Often LUNCH has no set menu, nor is it prix fix. The most exclusive LUNCH gatherings have menus established by the chef under the “carte blanche” rule of Michelin dining.

LUNCH must include multiple bottles and types of liquor. Bonus LUNCH points are accrued for flaming drinks. Some expert arbiters of LUNCH actually cook and eat their own lunches in the restaurant’s kitchen, in which case the number of attendees may fall below two people, and may only occur if the acumen is judged high enough by the executive chef.

LUNCH may not last less than 1.5 minutes (a.k.a. Lunchus Minoris) nor exceed 6.5 hours (a.k.a. Lunchus Majoris nee Cazadores Primerus Majorus).

I met my wife for LUNCH after picking up the latest SI swimsuit edition...

Charles said we should meet for LUNCH on Friday and Marcelino took such good care of us I was in trouble until Tuesday!

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shhhhhhh

Shhhhhhhh

Verb

1. Usually followed by “babe” or “I love you” post coitus when your girl wants to cuddle.

2. Random tag line from a male pursuit. Almost always placed at the end of a text. Used to take the “cougar” (a.k.a “game”) off balance so as to keep her from seeing the sneak attack.

3. Often used to try and squelch a secret that has been inadvertently been disclosed. It has a zero percent success rate...

Shhhhhhhh, babe. I love you so much we don’t need to say a word.

Your so hot. Here’s that pic, Donya. Come see m later at the Caribou Club! Shhhhh...

I can’t believe that Alec went to “The Ukraine” to see his friend.... Oh shit... Shhhhh!!!!

paloma blanca

pəˈlōmə

Noun

1. The only white female prostitute in Boy’s Town (the commercial district in the border town of Nuevo Laredo, Tamaulipas, Mexico, serving primarily as a "zone of tolerance" in the city for legal prostitution). Not to be confused with “El Cuco Blanco”, which can easily be identified by the presence of an Adam’s apple.

2. The luckiest of the lucky dove songs favored by all varieties of the Patronus Cazadores Majoris. Written by George Baker and performed the George Baker Selection in 1975. If used in a discretionary manner, the song will produce waves of the paloma peligrosa within firing range within 69 seconds of starting the song.

3. The act performed by a man where he casually walks through a party with his testicles (sans penis) hanging out the front of his pants until noticed by an unsuspecting female. Also known as the “walk of the dove breast”.

The Paloma Blanca garners the highest price per John, but she is not revered by the local man whores.

When Carter played Paloma Blanca, we limited out on dove within 15 minutes, thereby yet again protecting the local population of Washington County from the paloma peligrosa.

It was an impressive Paloma Blanca that Mac pulled at Danny Bouy’s last night. The look on Turk’s prostitute was priceless when she noticed.

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