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Audrey Hollander

The most epic porn star the world has ever seen. Hardcore wasn't good enough for her, no no, she had to invent supercore. Belladonna was top turkey for a long time, but then Audrey came along, crapped cum into her own mouth and swallowed it. Nobody can top that.

"If you could sleep with anyone, living or dead, who would you sleep with?"

"Audrey Hollander. Alive."

by Mr. Cardboard October 31, 2011

29πŸ‘ 7πŸ‘Ž


al dente

Undercooked pasta which, upon regurgitation, resembles a squirming mass of worms and maggots. Al dente literally means "to the teeth", as it is almost crunchy, meaning it is cheap, dried pasta rather than fresh, soft pasta.

For example a hastily-cooked friday night spaghetti before going out on the piss can be complimented as "al dente", however once one is blowing chunks in the form of long, strandy, red worms covered in stomach bile that tickle ever inch of your oesophagus, not to mention the back of your nose, down a back alley, soon becomes "undercooked".

"Sorry I puked all over your dress last night."

"That's ok, it was mostly spaghetti so it was very easy to clean off, thank god for al dente."

"That explains why I shat nothing but worms and maggots this morning, next time I'll give it a couple more minutes in the pan."

by Mr. Cardboard November 3, 2011

15πŸ‘ 30πŸ‘Ž


marmalade

The natural lubricant of the anus, designed to enable shit to slide out more easily but which also facilitates the insertion of golf balls.

"I was holding in a shit all last period but it turned out to just be a huge fart, however I wiped anyway in case some marmalade had come out."

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

20πŸ‘ 21πŸ‘Ž


bubbly

A sunny disposition adopted by fat women because if they didn't they would have nothing to offer society.

Dude: So what's your friend like?

Chick: Oh she's awesome, she's really bubbly.

Dude: You mean she's fat?

Chick: No, she just has a great outlook on life. Always so positive.

Dude: Okay then. But is she fat?

Chick: Well, she's kinda big...

Dude: Uh-huh, that's what I thought.

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

55πŸ‘ 48πŸ‘Ž


couch pillows

A bizzare expression used by some people to describe the small, square cushions placed on a couch to enhance it's comfort and aesthetics, as opposed to the larger cushions which form the seat and are hence integral to the couch.

They're not "couch pillows", they're CUSHIONS. Pillows are what you rest your head on while you sleep, cry into when you're a teenage girl or bite when you get fucked in the ass - but only when the aforementioned events happen IN BED.

From Step Brothers (2008):

Richard Jenkins: "Dale sleepwalks too."
Mary Steenburgen: "Are you kidding me?"
Richard Jenkins: "I'm not. Look in the oven."
Mary Steenburgen: "What's in the...couch pillows?"

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

11πŸ‘ 1πŸ‘Ž


long distance relationship

Theoretical construct to continue having sex with someone who is hot but lives far away and is not worth moving for, but is worth visiting from time to time for a change from all the regular sex you are getting.

Dude 1: I heard Stacey moved away to go to university, sucks for you.

Dude 2: Psh I just told her we'd have a long distance relationship.

Dude 1: I like your style.

by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011

76πŸ‘ 209πŸ‘Ž


zombie sex

Sex with a zombie.

When presented with a fairly fresh zombie that still has attractive characteristics, the concept of sex with said zombie occurs to you and, depending on circumstances, may become reality.

When the zombie apocalypse comes, many people will have a wagonful of zombies held captive for just this purpose, and likely be prepared to kill living people just so they can have zombie sex with them.

Dude 1: Stacey is so hot, her bod is super sweet.

Dude 2: Forget it dude, the only way you'll ever fuck her is zombie sex.

by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011

41πŸ‘ 16πŸ‘Ž