Brick

An object that slaves in ancient Egypt were forced to spend their lives making for Pharoah who is an asshole and wouldn't even give them straw. A rectangular baked piece of clay that can be used to build prisons, churches, schools, and the the building you work at doing a job you could live without to pay a mortgage on a house made of bricks that you cannot afford. A handheld computer powerful enough to perform all the calculations necessary to build a rocket and get off this hellride, but is generally used to ruin your life and live in a world where your opinion is always the correct one because of logarithms and bubble butts, so you shut the fuck up and make another brick. A tool for joyless masturbation intellectually, emotionally, politically, spiritually, socially yet not sexually, since real people are getting seriously harmed for weak sauce.

Yo, lemme use your brick, I wanna break my face.

I got drunk and used my brick to get fired from my job by throwing it at my bosses wife. Now, I'm unemployed and I have three girlfriends who all hate me, I used to have a job, a wife and a mistress and the latest, most, rammiest, fastest Phone in the world! I was wrong...just a brick with a picture of my dick .