Altoona

A small town in Western Pennsylvania. Sometimes referred to as "the ghetto Baltimore" or "Mullettown, Arizona." The town is full of rednecks, whiggers, druggies, drunkies, bad food, pregnant teens, terrible drivers, complete dumbasses, and snow. Almost all white people, hardly any black people, Asians, or gingers. The birthplace of Sheetz, the gas station/conveniance store. Most Altoonians live on Sheetz MTO (Made-To-Order) food because it's the most delicious food on the planet. In Altoona, there are more churches than Jerusalem. The Altoona Area School District runs the town's local schools, AAJHS (Altoona Area Junior High School) and AAHS (Altoona Area High School.) Basically, they are run like boot camps and security is up the wall. Altoona is also known for it's trains, the train station being Altoona's main origin. Altoona has many hills, and if you are lazy or physically unfit, you should not attempt to move up here. Also, in the winter, it is very cold (temperatures reaching to the early 20's in the daytime) and has been known to aquire many feet of snow per year, although the schools run by the fatheads at the school district force students to come in anyway. There is nothing for the younger generation (teenagers) to do, rather than go to little kiddie parks like Del Grosso's, go ice skating at Galactic Ice, and go hunting/fishing/etc. Drug, crime, and obesity rates are skyrocketing. Do not move to Altoona, it is a terrible mistake. Trust me, I know.

Girl 1: Hey, you're new, right? Where did you move from?

Girl 2: Baltimore City, Mayland. My family moved up here to Altoona to get away from the city life. We heard it's really cool up here.

Girl 1: AHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHA!!!!

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