John

A destroyer of expectations and Johns hate them. Quiet and brilliant when he wants to be, but also loud and insane. Extremely talented but never shows it, can be greedy but shares with those he loves. A John just doesn't care because in his eyes you were unworthy, a John is better than you. A John doesn't speak to you because he's scared, if he did talk to you, it was either for necessity, pity, or for a slim few, respect. Women are lucky for a John to take interest in them because a John will be a golden retriever boyfriend who can also control you and take care of you the right way. A Johns memory is better than a crazy ex-girlfriends. A deuce, hear him out, you will agree with him and hate yourself for doing so. A John will also make you feel the most insane orgasms and genuinely makes you feel like he cares about you in both bed and wherever else, and he genuinely will care about you. Most likely a closeted racist/ anti-homosexual. A Johns politics are heartless but right, because of how handsome or funny they are you will just go along with it anyway because you want to be privileged enough to touch him. A John is able to admit when he’s wrong and change. A John will end up getting over it so fast that he will end up living in your head while he's already been on the next thing for a while. A walking contradiction. A John hates the spotlight but finds themselves drawn to it. A John is a demigod on earth who could lead us to greatness but feels like we don't deserve it.

Guy 1: That dude's such a bitch.
Guy 2: Be careful man, guy's a total John, you better hope he didn't hear you.
Guy 1: Really? What's gonna happen?
10 minutes later... (Explosion)
Guy 1: HOLY SHIT MY CAR EXPLODED