Sasuke

That pretty kid who left the village like a pussy. He left to get wrecked by this tongue dude who loves snakes, and he married the most useless bitch in the show.

Sakura: "Have you seen Sasuke-kun yet?
Naruto: "No, but we're trying!"

Later...

Sasuke: "Orochimaru, would you like to be inside me?"
Orochimaru: (weird tongue sounds)