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Have you heard of Hephaestus the ugly af crippled af Fatherless Child. Hera was sick of Zeus cheating on her so she decided to have a kid all by her self just to spite him and...
... CRAZY BITCH IT WORKED!!!!!!!! But he was fugly so she threw him off a mountain causing him to go supersayain and fly up to Olympus to plow and fist her ass up to the elbow with a blacksmith's hammer. Moral of the story? THEES EEZ NOT FAKING SPARTA YE CUNT!
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A strigoi mort is nemortul and one just fucked yo mama last night.
The following is a fan based parody (plus over 9,000 times better than the manga and both Anime series). Support the official release OR DIE YOU CRAZY PROTESTANT BASTARD!
God, please NO! I watched the entire Hellsing the Ultimate Abridged (TFS) series over 9,000 times and now my brain has rotted AND I HAVE CANCEEEER! ðððð§ð» âï¸ðOh loveely loliwolly wwhyyyyy! Why can't it have just been true!! Why did you have to turn out to be a dude!
He is your father and deep down you f**king know it so stop being a p**sy and say: "Yes Dad! Lets stop by at your favourite Coffee Shop and talk about how you toootaly killed Mom."
Standup (and totally gay) Comedian Joe who used to be a doctor but was fired for sexual misconduct: "Did you know Darth Vader's testicles got burned off along with his legs and those gorgeously handsome eyebrows. I just wish I couldâve been there to save it so that it could be added to my wonderful collection.
Entire room: Cricket! Cricket! CRICKEEET!!!
A.k.a Alucard (TFS Hellsing Abridged)
Catholic Priest : "OMIGOD! It's the CRIMSON FUCKER!"
Alucard : "Give me a huuuug!" (then cannibalizes him)
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@The Crimson Fuckr is my alias. Yes I am a Fuckmothering VAMPIRE and yes I did shoot Edward 37 times!!! You're welcome Team Jacob. On second thought GO suck, er... I mean...fund...my big throbbing vampire dick and support it's official release?
Bty user called Father ALEXANDER Anderson (who is also Irish)! You forgot to make a new definition for little Timmy who is still (unsurprisingly) glued to your crotch ya Catholic fuckbucket.
Me : Is it that time of the month already? Weeell, I was wondering if you ever heard of The Crimson Fucker cleaning & pleasure services? The fuckmothering definition of classy!
40 year old Team Jacob Chick (blushing in embarrassed outrage) : AGH Wha--
Me : OOH I AM SO NOT YO MOTHA LAST NIGHT! BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM (exactly 37 times, count if you like)
What the Vatican calls a sapient, rapey and omnimalevolent bloodsucking ghoul which referes to the same cryptid the RomÄni call strigoi, nosferatu, or vampiri (not to be mistaken for anything remotely similar to the outstanding jackass Bill Compton, anything from the Fright Night movies, Jeff the Killer, nor our sweet Kaneki but rather some unholy thing infinitely more macabre and terrifying).
Police : Just what are we fucking dealing with here?
The pope : Cadaveribus sanguisugis, a real fucking vampire.
Realfuckingvampire : FUCKED YO MAMA LAST NIGHT! *Chomp*
Hitler : Oh, liebes ruhmloch, nein! Fick mich in meinen blutigen Jungfrauenarsch!