Basting

dry, bland meat. The technique requires brushing liquid onto the roast with a pastry brush. Pan drippings, stock, watered down marinade and herbed butter are usually used to baste.

Many cooks believe that basting is an inaffective way to achieve a crispy roast and takes longer to cook, but there are many experienced cooks who disagree. It all depends on how skilled you are and the type of method you used. The gentler the meat cooks, the juicer. Basting contains fat and protein which helps brown the roast.

You can achieve a crispy crackling roast and maintain it's natural juices. Once the meat begins to give off liquid which is usually half way into cooking time, baste it with the juices from the bottom of the pan and return to the oven, you may baste again if required. Once the roast is fully cooked, remove from oven and allow to cool.

Gordon Ramsay: "Why does the turkey look like my grandmas face, did you start basting it half way?"
Chef : "Yeah I did"
Gordon Ramsay: "It is so burnt it looks like Ghandhi's sandals, i bet you basted it while it was cooling down"
Chef: "Just a little"
Gordon Ramsay: "You f***** idiot, don't you that once the roast is finally out of the oven, you can't baste it anymore"
Chef meh: " Oh"
Gordon Ramsay: "My grandmas face looks better than what you just dished out"

Toxoplasmalia

Toxoplasmalia is a sexual act between mammals and animals (usually cats). Cunninlingus fanatics and their feline counterparts engage in a lot more than taco licking and going down cat daddy style gives a whole new meaning to 'introducing your cat to wet food diet'. Toxoplasmalia is practised by harnivores and feline lovers. Things can get out of hand, especially if the female is menstruating which can result in an unexpected hysterectomy. If practised correctly, one can achieve an apocalyptic tsunami.

Anyone considering a Toxoplasmalia with their feline friend, are highly recommended that they shave their pubic hair prior to commencement especially if your cat has been throwing up hairballs more than usual. If the cat ingests coarse pubic hair, it will cause damage to the stomach lining and cause obstruction in the digestive tract which can lead to death.

Blundstones

What lesbians rock to compensate for their celibacy misery.

Kayla: "I don't understand why butch lesbian partners ditch their bras and cut their hair really short to resemble a man". "They walk around acting macho, proudly displaying their blundstones which compliment their shorts and flannelette shirts". "Isn't the whole idea of being a lesbian was that their not keen on balls and dick, so why do they own a dildo?".

Marciano: "They're definitely queer man". "They should impose sanctions against lesbians purchasing dildos, that will teach them a lesson!".

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