Faux Help Link

1. The unequivocal knowing that clicking anything marked "Click here for help" will lead to everything but what is relevant to your problem.

Susan: "I tried playing the .MP4 video you gave me, but the media player said something like 'Unrecognized format' and 'Click here for help.' I clicked help and it gave me 29 pages of the history of media players and a bunch of pop-ups for porn sites."

Mike: "Oh oh...the Faux Help Link. Forget it. I'll make a DVD..."

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Smoker's Window Syndrome

1. The effect that a slightly open car window (2 to 4 inches) has on the probability one will take up the habit of smoking.
2. The fact that 98% of people utilizing partially-opened windows smoke.
3. The long trail of cigarette ash originating from the front-top of the window leading down and behind the starting point.

Bob: "It's a bit stuffy in here. Let me open the window a bit."
Frank: "No no no, Bob! Either put the window all the way down or leave it up! You know Smoker's Window Syndrome will set in and you'll run to buy a pack!"

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Public Proximity Violation

When in a public place with plenty of open seats, a person chooses to sit right next to you for no viable reason.

I usually go to the library early Wednesday mornings since no one is there. Today, it was empty as usual but some creep committed a major public proximity violation and sat RIGHT NEXT to me at the huge table in the law area!