Logan

Logan is a very kind and empathetic guy who cares for the people around him. He is a good Christian and wholeheartedly denies the existence of evolution, and as a result, will fall prey to natural selection. When he speaks his voice may remind you of a sweet and loving little girl pestering you to buy her something from Mr Whippy. If you listen too long you could become inspired to achieve greatness or get a throbbing headache and there's always the possibility that you bleed from your ears.

Guy 1: Did you know that brown is actually just dark orange.
Logan: No you're stupid.
Guy 1: Stop committing ad hominem.
Guy 2: Idk, it does look kinda like dark orange to me.
Guy 3: Is that daddy Logan!? *whips out cock and furiously masturbates*
Logan: So brown people just don't exist! And they're people are more related to Donald Trump than they think?
Guy 1: See you still haven't presented a counter-argument.