Bowel Routing

When you start out on a run and realize that you're gonna have to change your route as soon as possible to include a stop by a public bathroom.

"Where'd you go? I totally lost you on that run."
"Dude. I totally had to bowel route."
"Ooooh. Yeah. Bowel routing is the worst."

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Tuscaloosa Honeysuckle

At a live Alabama football game, you suckled your actively lactating wife in the stadium – because she needed you to.

"Where'd you guys disappear to for the second quarter?"

"Um, well, Beth had a problem, so I had to drink a Tuscaloosa Honeysuckle."