Elmwood Park

Village in Illinois. Blithering cesspool of douchebags, eastern europeans and assholes. Many suffer from big fish small pond syndrome. Very few people possess a high school diploma, even fewer a bachelor's degree. One person has a master's degree. Men are bald, cheap, and hang out at Baciami. Women have baby daddy's no husbands. Everyone knows everyone's business. City Hall is run by corrupt individuals who frequent hookers on Cicero Ave. Streets are never paved. Housing prices have nowhere to go but down. No commercial district. Everyone 30 plus long for the "good old days" of driving around Harlem never going anywhere but the Sears parking lot. Once so popular whores from neighboring suburbs and as far away as Skokie would drive around the area in the hopes of meeting an EP guy. These people cite this period as the best of their lives. Everyone peaks at 17. All village "news" is covered by Mannos News (run by a local crackpot, via a Facebook page, who barely possesses an 8th grade education) from an office inside Dunkin Donuts. Today's teens are illiterate, ghetto wiggers that think they are "hardcore" because they walked to the Brickyard and talked to a few Mexicans without realizing they talk to Mexicans everyday but are confused because EP Mexicans are actually called Italians. Inhabitants believe Tony Montana is a real person. Teen whores from the 90s eat McDonald's all afternoon while their kids are contracting Hepititis from the McDonald's playland.

Fat whore mom #1: The parks are so disgusting
Fat whore mom #2: I know, there aren't any wood chips
Someone not from Elmwood Park: Maybe you guys can form a task force and make parks an issue?
Fat whore mom #1: Fuck that. I am too busy cashing my welfare check, eating McDonald's and going to Costco. I am just going to go to a wealthier neighborhood and let my fat ugly kid deface their public park.

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