Hammer and Iron

A lesbian couple consisting of a larger, beefier woman labelled as the "hammer". She will be partnered by a more petit, slimmer women labelled as the iron.

Hammer, because she looks like she would be the one to do the DIY around the house. She could also probably pack a punch. Stereotyped by their short (or shaven) hair, butchness and work boots.

Iron, because she will be the one who does the housework (e.g. the ironing), whilst the hammer retiles the roof. She will probably be the more attractive woman in the relationship.

Anon 1: Went round to Sandra and Joans house yesterday. I tell you what Sandra's definately the hammer and Joan the iron, in that relationship.

Anon 2: How could you tell?

Anon 1: Sandra was wearing dungarees and Dr Martens fitting in an extention at the back of the house, whilst Joan washed the dishes.

Anon 2: Stereotypical Hammer and Iron relationship that.

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maroon

The horrible colour thats forms as a result of mixing shit and blood when wiping your ass. It results in a catch 22 situation where you are forced to decide whether to carry on wiping or leave it be.

The recommended solution is to continue with a wet wipe using a dabbing technique. If available, apply savlon after.

Anon 1: Why you walking like that?
Anon 2: Just took a shit.
Anon 1: So why you walking like that?
Anon 2: I saw maroon and was forced to carry wiping.
Anon 1: Shit man, are you OK?

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Double Mystery

A type of shit that leaves you speculating whether you actually had one because:

A) It went down the U-Bend so went you look you can't see it.

B) The tissue is clean when you wipe

Both these together result in a double mystery and leave yourself questioning your own sanity.

Person 1: I just took a double mystery.
Person 2: How'd you know, you could have just thought you had a shit?

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