straight face test

The straight face test is a human bullshit detector. If a lie is so bogus, that it can not be uttered with a straight face, it does not pass the straight face test.

Tim: Did your wife buy that bullshit about how you buying a Harley, because they get good gas mileage for your work commute?

Sully: No dude, she saw right through it; It didn’t pass her straight face test.

padonkadonk

a massively large and/or fine piece o' bootay

MMmmmmm man that bitch got her some padonkadonk!

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Phoneass

A Phoneass is a type of jerk that starts playing a funny video and n their phone that everyone has to watch, just as you are about deliver your punchline to a group.

A Phoneass is easy to spot because they interrupt you and then show you stupid videos while insisting that proper etiquette is for you to hold their phone so they don’t get a cramp in their stupid arm.

Here comes Fat Phil with his phoneass nonsense. He’s qued up some corny bullshit video of a woman farting that sounds like Yoda. He’s been running around with this for two weeks.

foot aficionado

A foot aficionado is the most discerning type of foot fetishists. While a foot fetishist likes many types of feet from cheesy to ashy, the afficinado has an affinity for a specific type of foot, usually older, pampered, Italian, mom feet.

Dude, While you were looking for bikini bottoms to sniff in the bathroom, I fell in love with the sight of that Mom’s perfect feet. Her toe cleavage in that sandal was better than ass crack to me. You know, nothing creepy though.

Ginger Bro: You’re a foot aficionado. That’s sick. Get help.

enterprise view

A word used by corporate or headquarters weasel types to condescendingly tell employees that they don’t get the big picture.

Employee: “Why have we been working ten hours of overtime a week that we are not being paid for? This clearly violates the Fair Labor Standards Act.”

Corporate Weasel: “You clearly do not have an enterprise view, if you did you would know that we fuck over all employees on a national level, not just here.”

Free Range Parents

Free Range Parents are predominately rich white people that let their children run around unchecked, even in dangerous situations. It is usually a misguided attempt to allow their children to learn life lessons on their own.

Person 1: I just saw what looked like an eight year old boy, outside in the cold with no jacket on; is that the kid with Free Range Parents?

Person 2: No, that’s Little Billy, his parents aren’t free range, they’re just junkies.

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Big Skipper

A Big Skipper is a heavy woman that is strangely attractive. You can find them at local watering holes, if there’s karaoke. Big Skippers while attractive are capable of inflicting serious bodily harm and are known to throw down over any slight, real, or perceived.

Dude 1: “Nixon, what happened to your eye; did you get in a beef last night?

Nixon: “Dude, I was sneaking out with that Big Skipper and three hicks jumped me in the parking lot. Good thing I picked that heavy hitter, she banged out two hicks and I fought the third to a draw.”