Seattle Seahawks

A football team that defines "mediocre". Their playing style is consistently like Seattle culture, i.e. they play like it would be impolite to ever ram a football down an opponent's throat and win big, because they'd "make someone feel bad". Even the superbowl appearance of a few years ago was embarassing. They're seldom excellent, and in the rare instances when they do well, it's because they're accidentally less bad than anyone else.

"Aw man, I missed the Seattle Seahawks game!"

"Don't worry, you didn't miss much. Like usual."

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Seattle

Seattle is one of the most beautifully scenic places in the world. It is near mountains, water, forests, snow, and is just a short drive away from the deserts of Eastern Washington. There are lots of high-paying "information economy" jobs. Its citizens have a strong desire to protect the environment. It is supposedly one of the most well-read cities in the country. Unfortunately, that's about all you can say that's good about the place. The high paying jobs have resulted in ridiculously high prices for homes. Then there's the people and the so-called "culture". Those who've described Seattle as a "friendly" place are probably from Seattle and don't know what "friendly" means. Imagine a place where all the nerdy, socially awkward people have concentrated, and you'd have a good picture of Seattle. People don't talk to one another. People are afraid to look at one another. You can make small talk with your neighbor for YEARS, and they will never, ever invite you over for anything. If you invite them over, they'll nervously accept, or come up with a bad excuse why they can't. Those who accept will never show up. When someone in Seattle says "Let's get together and do something sometime", they really mean, "Let's never get together and do anything, EVER". Seattle is also a place overflowing with straight women who dislike men/are bitter toward men/are angry because they weren't one of the pretty girls who could get a date back in school. Consequently, the men who do well here are those who don't have a spine, don't have testicles, or are willing to give theirs to a woman without protest. In other words, if you're a normal guy who wants to meet normal women, don't move to Seattle. If you enjoy making friends, don't move to Seattle. Seattle is full of people who are uptight, reserved, and politically correct to a fault. People in Seattle think the solution to past intolerance is to quietly tolerate everything, no matter how rude/illegal it may be, EXCEPT for negative comments about someone who happens to be a member of a minority community - even if your statement is factually accurate. If you make such an utterance in the vicinity of a Seattleite, they will glare at you disparagingly and never speak to you again. In fact, Seattle is full of white people who wish they could be black. Seattle is full of "liberals" and so-called "progressives" who are so sure they're right they won't even listen to dissenting points of view. People who disagree with them are automatically regarded as "ignorant" or "haters". In other words, Seattleites are some of the most narrow-minded people you'll ever meet. They're like members of the religious right, only they don't believe in Jesus. People in Seattle believe total consensus must be reached before a course of action can be taken. As a result, few substantial decisions get made. Above all, Seattleites believe the biggest Cardinal Sin is the act of offending someone. Even if that someone is completely wrong. Add in the ten months of cold weather, dear reader, and any thought of living here should wisely leave you.

Phil said, "I feel so guilty for being a man! And I hate having friends. I think I'll move to Seattle!"

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Sham Wow

The proper complimentary response when someone describes an especially difficult situation that was successfully resolved in a quick and easy manner.

Otis: "Remember that jerk of a neighbor I had?"

Jeeter: "Yeah. What about him?"

Otis: "I turned on the fire hydrant in front of his house, and the water caused a mud slide that took his whole house right down the hill!"

Jeeter: "Well SHAM WOW!!"

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