sockspander

1. The article used for 'enlarging' the male genitalia by placing socks in the groin area of trousers, other items may suffice such as toilet tissue, half cucumbers etc. Usually performed by mediocre musicians on the pub circuit in the vague hope that some bimbo will think they have a huge wanger

2. A person who sockspands

'That Chris is hung like a horse!'
'nah he's a sockspander - if he were really that big he'd get a hernia with those jeans'

choccy topping

That little bit on the end after you've 'used the wrong door'

oh look, my todgers got a choccy topping

condombobble

The little floppy bit at the end of a condom.
Sometimes used by under endowed men to put thier entire winkle into

uh oh, the condombobble broke!

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nodad

Any item of clothing your parents are forcing you to wear but you know looks outdated & 'pants'

Father 'Son, put your lederhosen on'
Child 'Nodad'

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contraception

A small child walking into it's parents bedroom to find out what the noise is

children are the best form of contraception

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condraception

when he says you wont get pregnant standing up....

'he was using condraception - he told her he was sterile, just look at the size of her now!'

handy bendy ghandi

A small poseable figure of an old wrinkly political activist
With a removeable loin cloth

Mum, the dog's eaten my handy bendy ghandi

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