Askident

A question unwisely asked.

“Did you actually ask Renada how far along she was?”

“I did.”

“She’s not pregnant, you know.”

“I know that... now.”

“What were you thinking?”

“I wasn't. It was an askident.”

Politics

The altruistic art of lifting about half of the money from each of our wallets every year and spending it with prudence, enlightenment and efficiency.

40% of our fellow adults are gleefully satisfied with the benevolent outcomes of this arrangement. You know this because when it’s election day, they don’t vote.

“I’m not going to vote, I hate politics.”

“Really? That’s amazing, I thought you loved politics. When I reach over the table and grab one fry from your plate you throw a complete conniption. But every year when your politicians take, in total, more than half of your hard-earned money, you don’t vote to do a thing about it. So I think you secretly love having a bunch of rich, old white men take your money and do whatever they want with it, no matter how demeaning and controlling their laws are to your life and to the lives of the people you love. That's quite a fetish you've got going on there, I hadn’t realized you were such a political submissive.”

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Phonecognito

Not reachable using calls or emails to your smartphone.

“I’m going phonecognito this weekend. I mean it.”

“Got it. Oh, but what if Winona calls? About the proposal. Can I email you at least?”

“Nope. Total phonecognito.”

“Geeeeeez. You really are serious. So you’re not even taking your phone?”

“Well, .. but not for work.”