Novelist

A person that writes novels; books that are 50,000+ words in length.

I'm allowed to use my laptop during earth hour if I'm on battery power, right? I can't help it, I'm a novelist and my storyline is too compelling right now to quit.

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airport novelist

an author whose books are most commonly, and probably only, sold well in an airport venue.

these books are all paperback, with lame, intriguing titles like "death before sunrise" or "the english assassin", contain extremely predictable/cliche plots, and feature faux-intense scary and mysterious cover art.
these books are meant to be read on an airplane when there is absolutely nothing better to do.

Dan Silva is such an airport novelist.

Dan Brown could be considered an airport novelist, almost.

French novelist

polite way of saying "ball sack"; the French novelist is Honoré de Balzac

Always wear an athletic cup, so nobody accidentally kicks you in the French novelist.

Comment novelist

Noun. A person in a forum/comment section who goes on a massive tangent regarding a certain topic. Typically covering every minute detail and sometimes (but not always) using overly sophisticated language.

Jim: "that guy on that one Reddit thread was a total comment novelist

Sam: Seriously! His rant about horses went on way too long!

real estate novelist

n. Person who aspires to leave their dreary life behind in order to attain a fulfilling artistic career. Often a lazy schizophrenic drunkard.

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Laugh if you want! I won’t always be a real estate novelist.

Another suture doctor?

Thanks nurse. Want to hear about my beehives?

No. Not really.