Devils gate keeper

The Devils Gate Keeper: This is the cross between constipation and sketchy food decisions. You are alerted to this phenomenon by gut wrenching twisting pain in your lower abdomen. The kind of pain that makes you want to curl up in a ball and die. This pain is usually associated with the explosive diarrhea which follows a long night of light beer and Taco Bell. The difference is once you finally crawl to the toilet because it hurts too much to stand, you are not greeted with violent relief. Instead the pain continues as you strain and push with the force to cause a brain hemorrhage until you are finally able to pop the cork of despair. Once this happens you almost die as you feel your soul exit your body via your ass.

So I’m a little bit dehydrated and had ten day old leftover chicken gumbo for lunch yesterday, which caused me to battle the devils gate keeper this morning.