Lamp

English slang with a similar meaning to simp. However, a lamp, instead of doing nice things to who they lamp on for attention, do things to harm that person verbally or emotionally in order to fuel their lampy (and most likely horny) attitudes towards the person they are obsessing over.

Eddy: “Have you seen Terry? He’s been lamping on Suzie for weeks now. We should probably help.”
Luke: “Yeah he’s such a lamp. We should tell him to stop.”

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Candy Uncle

A man whom one can hire to act as a child’s uncle. However, if at any point said child eats more than one piece of candy, the candy uncle will be said to have had a mysterious death and disappear. It’s never explained, but the child knows. They know.

Jack: I’m thinking of hiring a Candy Uncle. I don’t want Harry to eat too much candy.
Jeremiah: Oh ok you do you I guess