pork wagon

n. a pork wagon (or pork-mobile) is a police squad car, paddy wagon, or other clearly labeled law enforcement vehicle. Also known as 5-0 five oh

Went to Slevs for smokes and saw a pork wagon in the parking lot, but I didn't see any pigs inside.

Cut the numbers

To look over one's budget or financial position.

Wanna get a pizza?
Lemme cut the numbers real fast, I got no cash on me.

Honey, take me shopping for Valentine's day.
Ok sweetheart. Let me cut some numbers, you can go grab your coat, we can leave in five.
(woman takes one hour to 'get ready', guy browses pr0n online.)

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farkument

(abstract noun) getting into an argument with at least one other person online at the notorious www.fark.com; reloading the page/making multiple comments so you an another farker can argue about some topic

"Billy, take out the trash, this is the last time I'll tell you!"

"Sorry, mom, I'm in the middle of a farkument!"

decoy pack

(noun) an empty cigarette pack that is intentionally kept (not crushed or thrown away) so when someone tries to bum a cigarette it can be used to justify not giving them one.

guy1: what a party last night! man you got any cigarettes?
guy2: I'm all out. (gestures to decoy pack on coffee table.)
guy1: I guess I'll have to go get more then.
guy2: see ya.
(guy1 leaves)
(guy2 pulls fresh pack from pocket and lights one up.)

hagrag a.k.a. hag rag

n. a magazine or tabloid catering to whatever is raging in the female world; cover pics of beautifully photoshopped faces with a smatter of ATTENTION-GRABBING headlines. Distraction material, possible fap material as a last resort come judgment day.

I love technology because I was able to snap a 50-word female masturbation story out of a hagrag a.k.a. hag rag while waiting in line at the food store last week. SCORE

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reality denialist

Someone who believes ancient scriptures from primitive peoples -- not so primitive however that they had developed basic human evolutionary tendencies such as a desiring and eventually developing systems -- i.e. written language, starting with paintings on cave walls -- over what we have now learned is possible due to scientific thought, a latter progression of evolution; in short, a religitard, a devoutly faithful FOLLOWER; granted, fear of anyone referred to as a 'god' can be a frightening experience

Can you believe NASA sent Curiosity, the newest, most advanced, up-to-date mechanical lab all the way to Mars, and it successfully overcame every obstacle in its path! Think of all things we could discover that we weren't already aware of yet!

"Jebus christ was gods only son -- himself -- tri-angulated against another part of himself -- a 'holy spirit' if you will -- to punish himself for punishing himself and when we die he will punish us by granting us eternal life forever -- in the firey pits of hell if we think for ourselves."

"oh look, a reality denialist."

texas porridge

(noun): - a typical bowl of stew or chili for a certain locale, typical of various ethnic groups. Can be anything from venison stew in the northeast to various chowders to generous stews and hearty (non-water based) gruels.

Man that 7 hour flight cost me a trip, can ya get me a bowl of texas porridge/garbage and a few buttered rolls?