Halftard

Half of a tard... an example of how to use *tard. (i.e. fukktard, muntard, boostard, avantard etc.)

Yo VonMetz, you is a fuggin halftard (insert *tard)

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Goognostic

Someone who has knowledge sought from Google. A person who attains a higher state of cognition via the Internetz.

Alternatively...

I know a secret or two about Goo
She won't mind if i tell you
I know a secret or two about Goo
I know a secret about Goo and you

VonMetz: So did you go to Uni to figure that out?
MC: Nah, was easy. I'm a Goognostic.
VonMetz: Any halftard could do that.

Booskills

The power of sukkin boos. Serious alcamahol credentials.

Yo, VonMetz... you is got zero booskills.