wanky

adverb: a feeling of overwhelming sexual arousal that comes over you when you've got no other sexual outlet than masturbation (wanking off, having a wank, etc.). Like horny except that horniness may include the arousal that comes when you actually have a partner to relieve the sexual tension with, or can get one.

Carrie: "God, I watched Troy again and I've been feeling wanky over Brad Pitt all day."
Janet: "Why do you do this to yourself? Just call up Greg and get him down there for a booty call!"
Carrie: "I can't. He'll think I still have feelings for him. I'm just gonna get in a hot bath and wank it out of my system."

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nymphony

noun: (rhymes with symphony) Sexual noises made by a woman, screaming, moaning, dirty talk, bed shaking, etc. purely for theatrical effect rather than actual sexual response. A woman puts on a nymphony when she wants to draw attention to the fact that she's a super hot fuck, a nympho, or generally has something else to prove.

Deb: "Ron's coming over tonight. We'll probably end up doing it. Should I throw down a nymphony on him or play it cool?"
Beth: "That's a tough one. You don't want him to think you're some kind of whore or something. I say, start off all sweet and innocent, and they break out the nymphony, like he's just so goddamn good you can't help it. That'll drive him wild."

Andrea: "Oh God, slam me harder, you sexy fuck! I wanna feel it for a fucking week! AH YEAH! FUCK ME!"
Paul: "Dammit! Tone down the nymphony, girl. Your mother's right downstairs!"
Andrea: "My mother did the exact same thing to me last night with her new BF. I'm just getting her back."

Jack: "My roommate had that hot slut of girlfriend over again last night. They were at it until 4 a.m., just slamming the bed against the bedroom wall and she was screaming like a porn star."
Ben: "I still say it's just a nymphony. That chick has the hots for you big time. She's just letting you know what she has to offer."

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God God Dammit Dammit

From Mitch Hedberg's comedy bit about the vending machine with an HH button. He presses H twice instead of the HH button and gets the wrong snack.

Generally, an exclamation of extreme frustration.

Specifically, an exclamation of extreme frustration when you made the wrong choice based on insufficient or faulty information, usually said of something trivial like getting the wrong snack out of a vending machine.

"I was gonna get a candy bar; the button I was supposed to push was HH, so I went to the side, I found the H button, I pushed it twice. Fuckin'...potato chips came out man, 'cause they had a HH button, for Christ's sakes! You need to let me know. I'm not familiar with the concept of HH. I did not learn my AA-BB-CC's. God god dammit dammit." - Mitch Hedberg

Ah, man! I ordered the deluxe platter and it turns out it's a fuckin' veggie burger and a soy-based milkshake. God God Dammit Dammit!

She told me over the internet that she was a virgin, and I was all excited, but it turns out she's also really ugly. God God Dammit Dammit!

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Socket

1. (n) A hole that you plug something in to, like a lightbulb.
2a. (n) A derogatory term for a woman or girl whose only purpose in life is as a receptical for penile penetration.
2b. (n) An affectionate term for a sex partner who is about to become a receptical for penile penetration.
3. (n) The vagina, anus, or mouth of said woman or girl.

See also Cock-socket.

1. "I can't get this lightbulb in the socket!"
2a. "That chick's a socket if I ever saw one. She's had more dick in her than Mrs. Nixon."
2b. "Come here, my little socket. I've got something for you."
3. "Shut your socket, bitch, before I plug it with my dick."

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fractional sex

1. (noun) Sex with someone so easy (or ugly) that they don't even count as a full notch on your belt. Similar to Fictional Sex, sex that's either made up to boost one's numbers, or falsely denied to reduce the bed count.

2. Sex that's so lousy, it doesn't even count as a full fuck.

3. Sex that's so amazing, or so difficult to score, it counts as several notches on your belt.

1. Bob: "Man, I fucked 1/3 of a girl last night."
Dan: "What do you mean? Where was the rest of her?"
Bob: "It was fractional sex, this chick named Amy. All I had to do was buy her one drink and she was back at my place. She was so easy, it doesn't even count as a full lay."

2. Krista: "How many guys have you been with, Amy?"
Amy: "Two and a quarter?"
Krista: "Two and a quarter? How do you fuck 25% of a guy?"
Amy: "It was this guy name Dan. He was so shitty in bed, it don't even count as a full lay. He had a little dick and he only lasted two minutes."
Krista: "Ah, fractional sex. I've had a few of those. I'm up to 3.4 I think."
Amy: "3.4, huh? Sounds like fictional sex to me. You're forgetting about those two guys you did on Spring Break, and that Jerry guy, and that professor you went down on, and-"
Krista: "Shut up! You made your point."

3. Will: "Well, it took me seven months, $500 in dating expenses, and four bullshit love poems, but I finally got Destiny in bed last night. And man, it was so worth it! She blew my fucking mind! I swear that counts as ten notches on my belt right there."
Steve: "Ah yeah, fractional action, huh? Nice."

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Selective Slut

1. (noun) Similar to a Pocket Slut, a selective slut, acts slutty, sexually uninhibited, and loose, but only to entice the guys she's attracted to. She'll wear tight clothes, talk and act skanky, and dance like a ho, trying to get attention, but gets offended when guys she's not interested in (ugly guys) hit on her as well. A selective slut apparently doesn't understand that her actions effect all guys, not just the ones she's interested in. When a hot guy takes notice of her, he's being "responsive to her sex appeal". When an ugly guy takes notice of her, he's a "leering pervert".

2.(verb) A girl "selective sluts" a man when she acts overtly sexual towards him, but turns off her charms as soon as someone else is watching... usually.

1. Phil: "I tried hitting on that girl in the red, the one with the skirt so short her panties are showing, and she told me to fuck off, all bitchy and shit. Damn!"
Craig: "Yeah. She's a selective slut that one. If you were tall dark and handsome with a flashy car, she'd be all over you."

2. Janie: "I was tryna to selective slut that hot guy from Automotive, all bending over, stretching, and moaning and shit in the break room, but fuckin' Eddie from plumbing kept coming in and interuppting!"
Danielle: "Shitty! But who cares what Eddie thinks. Just keep going next time."
Janie: "I don't want Eddie hitting on me! He's gross!"

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Bed Count

The number of people you've had sex with. It doesn't necessarily have to be in a bed. One's bed count can be reduced by adjusting for Fractional Sex experiences. Bed count is similar to Head Count, the number of times you've performed oral sex.

Claire: "I so wanna fuck that Kyle guy, but I'm already up to four guys. Five's too high for a bed count."
Janine: "Yeah, but if you only count the ones who really mattered, I'm sure you'd be down around 2 or 3, you know, fractional sex. You've had some shitty luck with the guys you've done."
Clarie: "You're right. I'm gonna go for it!"

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