Twilight

A damn boring book that somehow in many mysterious ways that not even God can explain, managed to capture the hearts of girls all over the world that consider it a good book which is explainable due to the fact that most if not all, didn’t actually put their hands on a decent book with a solid plot and characters with strong personalities.
Since most of teens don’t bother with reading but when they do their homework, newspaper or spend time on the internet they haven’t the slightest idea of the true meaning of a book, literature is a word too complex already and just worship this twilight thing after being brainwashed due to its poor writing and imagination.
Twilight is the wild dream of a 30 something ears old woman that doesn’t seem to happy about her current marriage and decided to act like an everyday teenage girl obsessed with different dude and having strange fantasies with vampire dudes.
The book is just painful to read, the writing and the cliché just makes it impossible to hold it and keep reading it. It’s all cliché, cliché and again cliché which doesn’t stimulate at all you imagination but rather lets you predict the rest of the story because it’s cliché and predictable. The first time I tried to read it I already knew how it would finish and as I was getting to the end in great pain barely being able to endure it…it was just as I’ve foreseen.
Bella as a character is actually the author (if we can call her that), the typical Mary Sue from across the street that everyone loves to hate. She’s there just to be there and as an excuse to write and publish the book. She’s the typical new girl that you just want to stab her gazillions of time at how pathetic, useless and whiny she is. Boys are mysteriously attracted to her just like flies to…but she says no, just like the good virgin girl that she is.
Edward is The Dude, the Gary Stu Dude, the guy the author wanted to marry but ended up with the current man she took as a husband. And Edward as The Dude is the dream guy of every fangirl that’s the same of the geek living in the basement; none of these two ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend. The dude when he sees Bella, no doubt the only virgin in town since he was lusting for her blood, which was pure and not infected like the rest of the dudettes, fall in love, desperately in love…because the author wants so.
In all, it’s a slushy book destined for illiterate persons with a limited ability to be able to think and use imagination. The author no doubt had an account on quizilla and read tones of other poor fictions…that place was her source of inspiration, no doubt of it.

Ex 1
Dudette: Did you read Twilight? It’s like OMG, Edward is so cool, it’s the best book in this entire world.
Random guy: Huh?
Dudette: What? You didn’t hear of it? You’re so lame, I wouldn’t want to be you, don’t you read?
Random guy: Huh?
Dudette: Get away from me!
Random guy: Whatever! *continues to read Ender’s game.”
Ex 2
Dudette: Edward is so HAWT followed by this <3333 <333 or this EEEEE or AAAAA then faints.
Another random guy: ???????
Ex 3
Bella: Oh Edward make me a vampire! Why don’t you make me one!? Don’t you love me? If you love me make me a vampire…please I beg of you, waaaaa *crawls at his feet*
Edward: No Bella, I won’t make you one. You’re too pure too innocent to be one. You’re the epitome of perfection in this awfully dull cloudy town. I won’t make you one!
Jacob: I’ll make you a werewolf Bella if you want.
Bella & Edward: You bad dog! *hits him with a rolled newspaper*
Bella: Edward, you masochistic bastard! Do you want to see me age and turn like a prune?
Edward: Yes Bella!
Bella: Edward you monster! I want you to turn me now in a vampire, I want to go out and conquer the world…I want to become immortal and enslave everyone with my mary-sueish beauty and personality…muha ha ha ha

578👍 266👎