Nerd high

A feeling of euphoria one gets after seeing something truly awesome. Normally lasts anywhere between 3 weeks to 4 months.

Me: So, I just saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1.

Girl: How was it?

Me: I'm gonna be on a nerd high for a long time.

6👍 1👎

Beach Sex

The third best type of sex.

Right behind make up and angry.

Jack Donaghy: Beach sex is the third best sex you can have. Right after elevator and white house

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Jonas Brother

Someone who has complete immunity from insults because they are so full of fail.

A person who is sucks so much, that it's not even funny or in good taste to make fun of them.

Girl: man, Bob really fucked up Don't Stop Believing during the talent show didn't he?

Guy: hellz yea he did. Do we make fun of him for it?

Me: It really wouldn't be cool to, after all he is a Jonas Brother.

21👍 7👎

M.N.P.

stands for must not procreate.

Applied to morons who, by law, should not be allowed to make children.

Bill: so, last week, I started para sailing and I was looking up at the sky instead of the ground, so I look down and see that I'm about to land in this swamp full of alligators.

Me: wait, you para sailed over a fucking swamp?

Bill: yeah.

Me: dude you are beyond M.N.P. You're to the point now that you're too stupid to exist.

8👍 4👎

Rebecca Black

The worst singer in the history of music.

She's so terrible that, by comparison, she makes Justin Bieber look like John Lennon.

News anchor: and in an unrelated story, up-and-coming young singer, Rebecca Black has achieved the impossible by making Justin Bieber look like a lyrical genius.

6👍 4👎

Oedipals

A mother and her son whose relationship resembles that of friends/ significant others rather than a parent-child relationship.

Unlike most men who have an Oedipal Complex, they embrace their closeness with their mothers and in some cases, include her in his circle of friends.

Jill: so, what do you think of this card for my mom?

Brett: funny. What do you think of this one?

Jill: that's a romantic card.

Brett: It is, isn't it? I think my mom will love it.

Jill: dude, you need to see a therapist, you're closeness to your mother is not healthy.

Brett: We're friends, what's wrong with that?

Jill: you're not friends, you're Oedipals.

19👍 9👎

Kansas

The state that removed Evolution from the science textbooks.

In recent years has became infamous for having a pro-life group kill an obstetrician who performed abortions.

Me: hey, did you hear about the pro-lifers in Kansas?

Friend: I know that tone, this is a set up for a joke.

Me: no, I swear. A bunch of pro-life psychos killed a doctor who performed abortions.

Friend: so much for being pro-life, huh?

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