Dead

The state you're in after deciding to give up living on this shitty planet ( Walk towards the light)

Me: So what happened to the maths teacher?
RandomGuy1: Don't worry we won't be seeing him again
Me: Uhhhhh? what do you mean?
RandomGuy2: What he(RandomGuy1) means is that he(HatedMathsTeacher) be dead.

1👍 2👎

8===D

if you don't know what this is you need to get your eyes checked...
IT'S A DICK!!!(for you sticklers for proper scientific terminology out there, it's a penis( you know... that thing hanging between your legs(otherwise known as your best friend)))

Me: so what was the "reward" you recieved yesterday
Friend: 8===D👄
Me: ...
Me: I'm so proud of you (╥﹏╥)

6👍 2👎

Susanoo

Takehaya Susanoo no Mikoto(Or simply better known as Susanoo) is one of the gods of Japan's native religion, Shinto. He is brother to Amaterasu-ōmikami( Queen of the Shinto Pantheon and the goddess of the sun) and Tsukuyomi no Mikoto (Shinto deity of the moon). Susanoo himself is part of the "Shinto trinity" and the god of storms and the sea.

Teacher: Now today we will talk about The shinto religion, which is nat-
Student: (excitedly) You mean like Susanoo right?! The guy that can shit out lightning?!
Teacher: "shit out"... You mean "shoots" lightning, right?...
Student: ...
Student: No I'm pretty sure it's "shit"

14👍 1👎

Minions

Little yellow shits who are the perfect example of what a person would act like if they snorted a truckload of cocaine.

Guy1: (Licks classmate next to him)
Guy2: HOLY SHIT DUDE!! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE THE FUCKING MINIONS (!SLAP!)

3👍 5👎

Hentai

Your Plan B when you don't feel like seeing real women(or men) doing the deed.
Note that hentai has literally everything you have fantasized about before, you name it, tentacle porn( exactly what it sound like), ganbang( Do i really need to explain this to you?), harem(a group that usually surrounds themselves around the protagonist ), prostitution (where a person does sexual acts for a certain price), pregnancy (if you don't know what this is... GO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR MOTHERS RIGHT NOW!!!), futanari (Female that has a penis) etc...(Keep in mind i coul give you at least another 100 genres, but i'm too lazy to write them.)
WARNING: IF YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS BE SMART ENOUGH TO USE INCOGNITO!!!

Me: So how come you didn't reply to my text yesterday?
Friend: Uhhhh...
Friend: I was researching... human anatomy
Me: Reeeeeeally?
Friend: (Sweating)Okay, you got me, it was Hentai, but you have to understand, IT WAS TOO GOOD!!!

Boyfriend

According to my daughter he is the sweetest guy known to mankind.
to me...
He's my next target

Daughter: Daddy...
Dad: Yes sweety?
Daughter: I have a boyfriend
Dad: ...
Dad: Let me get my shotgun and we'll go visit him.