Loser's Manual

The Loser's Manual is really a User's Manual one receives when making the purchase of an electronic gadget, or a new piece of lawn equipment, power tool, etc. The difference is that real men never consult the User's Manual.

Guy #1: Hey Kyle, I just bought this weed whacker, but can't figure out how to install the fishing line, can you hand me the User's Manual?
Guy #2: You mean Loser's Manual don't you Jeff?
Guy #1: Why do you call it the Loser's Manual Kyle?
Guy #2: 'Cause only a Loser would have to use it, real men never consult the User's Manual.
Guy #1: I see, well in that case let's go get a beer.
Guy #2: Now you're talking.

Sticker Shock Induced MI

Sticker Shock Induced MI is the heart attack one has after seeing how much something costs.

Terry: Hey Susie, i just got my Obamacare plan cost estimate, want to see?
Susie: Sure, how much?
Terry: For me and the wife, only $950 per month.
Susie: Owwww! I just had a Sticker Shock Induced MI!

Declusive

Inviting a less favored friend to accompany you to an event, but in such a way as to discourage them from going without making you feel like a shit.

Guy 1: “I’d like you to go to the movie with me, but Jeff overheard me talking about it and is making noise like he wants to go too.”
Guy 2: “No worries, just ask him to go in a declusive way.”
Guy 1: “How do I do that?”
Guy 2: “Easy, just ask him to go, and then tell him it’s a flick about something he hates.”

Guy 1: “Wow, that’s a great idea; I can also use that whenever I want to ditch the GF for a night out with the guys!”
Guy 2: “Work every time!”

Funnerest

The most fun item from several competing levels of fun.

That ride was the funnerest in the whole park!

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