Doucheocracy

A system of government which is completely overrun by douchebags. Doucheocracies are administered and controlled by douchebags for the benefit of douchebags at the expense of everyone else. Doucheocracies are formed by the corruption of previously existing governments via extensive use of lobbyists, inside deals, deceitful legislature and other political douchebaggery. Doucheocratic systems typically involve douchebag companies or corporations (“private industries”) teaming up with douchebag politicians who gain excessive influence over lawmaking processes and tax revenue. Similar to cockroach or rat infestations, douchebag infestations are very difficult to remove once established.

In a Doucheocracy, a team of douchebag politicians could, for instance, “privatize” energy, forcing everyone to buy electricity from Douche Energy Corp. In return for the favor, Douche Energy Corp would give unusually generous stock options to the douchebag politicians who made this possible.

Douche Energy could then proceed to raise energy prices to unreasonable levels while gaining control of the retirement funds of employees who previously worked for state-run energy utilities.

Millions of people could then be financially raped by douchebag politician and executive team.

Douche Energy Corp, being run by douchebags with no engineering knowledge, would be totally incompetent at producing electricity and funds would be quickly depleted as douchebags did what they do best; use their expertise in douchebaggery to give themselves ridiculous dividends and pay each other fantastically large bonuses, quickly leading the company to bankruptcy.

In a Doucheocracy, the douchebag politician and executive team would then be protected by team of douchebag lawyers with a name like "Doucheson & Douchekins", and would get to keep the millions of dollars they swindled without any consequences, while the ensuing energy disaster would be bailed out with taxpayer money.

In a Doucheocracy, the same team of douchebags might later call themselves “job creators” and lobby to lower tax rates for themselves.

Job Creator

A creative euphemism used to describe the elite business executive, investment banker or otherwise disgustingly rich person; a type of creature which might possibly spend additional revenue created by tax breaks on slave labor in India or China, but will most likely utilize the money to give other business executives absurdly large bonuses and buy yachts made out of solid gold. Studies have shown that for every $1,000,000 that “job creators” receive in tax breaks, approximately 75¢ is re-invested into the American economy, usually in the form of a larger than usual tip to a valet driver. Many lower and middle class Americans with weak intellects will tend to throw this term around (usually in all capital letters “don’t tax the JARB CREATORS, it’s CLASS WARFARE derp derp!”) because they have no concept of macroeconomics other than one-line catch-phrases that are fed to them via Fox news. Their blind support of socio-economic and political practices which have led to all-time low tax rates for "job creators", unprecedented deregulation, and the corruption of what was once a great political system are in fact the very cause of companies like ENRON, millions of mortgage foreclosures and the collapse of the American economy.

Middle-class American1: “It’s not fair to tax the job creators, it will hurt the economy”

Middle-class American2: “Actually, tax rates for “job creators” are at all-time lows and are largely to blame for the poor state of the economy. If you think that you will personally benefit by taking over their tax burden, you must be daft.”

Middle-class American1: “Stupid anti-american hippy protesters should get jobs. If they want more money they need to work hard for it, like job creators do.”

Middle-class American2: “Actually, the reason they’re angry is because it’s becoming harder and harder to gain wealth through hard work. In the past 10 years, wages for jobs involving hard work have been stagnant, while shuffling money and securities around has become incredibly profitable. Rather than working hard, a much more effective way to become wealthy these days is by defrauding people through bogus companies like ENRON, or by bundling sub-prime mortgages into credit derivatives and short-selling them on the NY stock exchange. In these ways, you can absorb the retirement savings of people who have worked hard for their whole lives without doing anything of value to society yourself. Meanwhile, millions of mis-informed Americans whose retirement savings you took will actually refer to you as a “job creator”. “

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