Molly

Eldest of the three Pharmaceutical Stygian Witches. Her Love comes at a High Price. Her Love heals or destroys.

Person 1: Have you met Molly?
Person 2: Best rebound I've ever had.

1👍 4👎

B. Swope

Author of "A Drink from the Looking Glass." Made most of his Literary Works while incarcerated in the Hole at the LCJ. He's probably still there right now.

Person 1: Have you read anything by B. Swope?
Person 2: Why yes, officer, I have.

Shithouse Poet

The Anonymous Poet from Northeast Ohio that left his writings in the caddy bathroom at a country club. The bathroom was nicknamed, "The Dungeon."

Some come here to sit and think,

Others come here to shit and stink.
Me, I come to scratch my balls,

And read the writing on the walls. -SP

They paint these walls to stop my pen,

But the Shithouse Poet has struck again! -SP

Person 1: Do you know the Shithouse Poet?
Person 2: That's a Northeast Ohio Legend. Have a nice day, Officer.

18👍 7👎

Girl Next Door

The girl you grew up playing hide and seek with. The girl that saves baby squirrels. The girl you rode your bike to see. The girls that went to church with you. The girl you named a star after. The girl you met on a blind date. The girl you met in self-defense class. The girl that may or may not be your baby's mom. The girl that you crowned Bartender. The girl that made you feel like white trash royalty. The girl that works with your mom. The girl that played guitar hero with you. The girl that has your godchildren. The girl that took a random shot at engagement. The girl that's your favorite Number. The girl that no matter how long it's been since you've seen her, your heart skips a beat at the very sight of her. We should all be so lucky.

Me: I typically go after the Girl Next Door type.
GND: I know, idiot, I know.

65👍 20👎

The Bartender

Everybody's favorite person. They smile at your frown, put up with most of your shenanigans, laugh at your terrible jokes, offer the occasional ride home, and keep pouring. Respect and cherish these people. You never know how big a part of your life they'll become. Play your cards right, they might just take you home.

Friend: Did you see The Bartender?
Me: Ya, I kinda stopped breathing when she smiled at me. She definitely noticed. Oops.

17👍 3👎

Sobriety

A word that means whatever you want it to mean. A word that has changed meaning throughout time. A word that people use to make others feel inferior. A unicorn of words.

Person 1: How's your sobriety going?
Person 2: It's MY sobriety, officer.

5👍 2👎