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A metaphor for big dick.
"Like a Virgin"
Is a song about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine
I'm talkin' morning, day, night, afternoon
Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. (That's a lot of dicks)
Then one day, she meets this John Holmes motherfucker,
and it's like "whoa baby"
I mean; this cat is like Charles Bronson in The Great Escape; he's diggin' tunnels
She's gettin' some serious dick action.
She's feeling something she hasn't felt since forever;
Pain, pain.
It hurts, it hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her because she should be bubble gum by now
But when this cat fucks her, it hurts
It hurts, just like it did the first time
You see the pain is reminding the fuck machine what it was once like to be a virgin.
Hence; Like a Virgin
If you feel pain, that's what it was once like to be a virgin.
Hence; Like a Virgin
89π 15π
...no sex
Two words you never want to hear your girlfriend, wife
or otherwise ever say, as it is usually her threatening to
withdraw sex from your relationship for an indefinite
time period because you have done or said, or are about to
do or say something extremely stupid.
Can also be used to blackmail or extort by forcing you
to say or do something you don't want to.
Such as clean the dishes, iron the clothes, walk the dog,
pick up the kids from school, do things a woman should
generally do or spew secrets on your best mate and
so on and so on...
The no sex threat is a womans Straight Flush
It is not a Royal Flush because it doesn't always work,
not all men are that reliant on sex, but 98.97% of us are,
so it may aswell be a Royal Flush.
1: What's up?
2: The wife used the no sex threat on me the other day
1: Hahahahahahahaha..... why?
2: She was having a girls night in with some of her girlfriends, I walked in, accidentally of course, they started interrogating me about Steve and his curre -
1: I don't like where this is going, you didn't tell them anything did you?
2: Well I refused at first but then she threatened me and -
1: You fuckin cunt, I hope you get raped by that pack of apes that escaped the zoo the other day.
Steve: Hey guys
2: Oh shi-
1: Bye guys
152π 39π
Computer Dating
It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head"
See also:
Online Dating
Computer Dating:
Leela: Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?
Bender: HEY! DON'T MAKE ME GO UPSIDE YOUR HEAD
39π 6π
r8
"rate"
In most cases it's just a contraction of Alright
Originates, possibly, from Northern England
1. adverb
Used to show agreement to a statement or instruction,
or to ask if another person agrees with a statement or
instruction.
Similar in use to "alright"
2. adverb
Used for additional emphasis
Like "very"
3. interjection
Used as a greeting, like hello
Also has the added benefit of asking "all right?" at the
same time
4. noun
Refers to the Audi R8. A sports car introduced by
German manufacturer Audi in 2006
1.
Am comin wi u, r8 ?
2.
ur r8 gay, u mate
am a r8 plebb me
shes r8 fit, i'd shag her me. Like i did ya ma
3.
r8 lad?
4.
look at that sexual R8, wanna stick me nob in the exhaust
oh dear
77π 15π
Palace of Love
1. The Palace of Love in it's most simple form is
one's bedroom, one in which a couple perform the art of love making on a regular basis.
A requirement is that all parties included are physically satisfied (emotional satisfaction is not required) else it is not a Palace of Love, but a shag pad.
It is not required that those performing the act are a couple, or in love. It is also not required that there are only two people at any given time, though it should refrain from becoming an orgy.
It is preferable that such a room is large and has soft sheets/pillows and some dark colouring.
2. A slightly more advanced version is where the bedroom takes a luxurious form containing a four poster bed, soft sensual sheets/pillows and where everything is mainly dark sexy colours such as small amounts of black and a large amount of deep red.
Under these conditions it is now required that only a couple use this room OR multiple women please one man.
It is also required that any women inside the room during a period of usage, climax multiple times.
In such a place fucking and making love will coexist, usually within the same session.
Emotional satisfaction is not required but preferable.
Such a room is likely to belong to a rich Indian or person of South Asian / Middle Eastern decent, possibly (and preferably) a gorgeous female and even more so a Hindu, as this seems like the sort of elaborate get up that is suited to them, they did invent the Kama sutra after all...
3. In it's most advanced form, the Palace of Love is the same as in number 2. with some key additions:
It's actually a Palace, and there are probably trained tigers and maybe an elephant or two waltzing around.
Such a place would be ideal to take your Indian/Middle Eastern bride for your honeymoon or better still the entire wedding.
You and/or your bride (or groom if you are a woman reading this) do not have to be Indian/Middle Eastern, anyone with enough class (and money) can enjoy such luxury, and the love making that it comes with.
Such a place will near exclusively exist only in the Middle East/India, Dubai is your best bet.
1.
A: I took my woman back to my shag pad where we made some extremely sweet love.
B: Whoa! you just transformed your shag pad into a Palace of Love homeslice. You'll be making babies in there soon!
A&B proceed to chuckle, brofist and walk off into the distance to do other manly things, like blow stuff up
2.
C: My new (rich) Indian lady friend took me back to what she called her "Palace of Love" and now... wow... I seriously think my balls have no juice left
D: I am so jealous. I have nothing more to say.
D goes to find himself a beautiful (rich) Indian significant other.
C is left with his mind blown for the next week or so while his balls restock their ammunition.
3.
E: Where are you taking the new missus for the honeymoon?
F: Over to Dubai, I hear they have a lovely Palace of Love
E: rofl, when can I expect your return?
F: Probably never
E&F brofist.
Note: for the purpose of example 3, F and his new woman are Caucasian
70π 5π
The Scary Door
The Scary Door is a show that exists within the Futurama
universe and is occasionally viewed by the characters.
It is a spoof/parody of The Twilight Zone.
There are currently 5 episodes of The Scary Door and they
appear in:
"A Head in the Polls", "I Dated A Robot", "Spanish Fry",
"Let's Twist Again" and Benders Game
1.
You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location,
the kind of place where there might be a monster
or some kind of weird mirror.
These are just examples, it could also be something much better.
Prepare to enter: The Scary Door
2.
You're entering a realm which is... unusual
Maybe it's magic, or contains some kind of monster?
The second one
Prepare to enter: The Scary Door
3.
You're on a scenic route through a state recreational known as: The Human Mind.
You ask a passer by for directions,
only to find he has no face or something.
Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road
You swerve
Narrowly avoiding: The Scary Door
4.
Imagine, if you will, a three by seven inch wooden frame
a frame that's a gateway to a world of imagination.
Wipe your mind on the welcome mat.
You're about to enter: The Scary Door.
5.
Imagine if you will, an announcer you can barely understand.
He refers to a group *mumble*
But you're not quite sure what he said.
He appears to be eating something, or perhaps he's a little drunk
It's remotely possible that he just said something about:
The Scary Door
57π 2π
Allah-saurus
If religion existed in dinosaur times then Allah-saurus would be:
The prehistoric version of Allah, acquired by crossing Him with a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Allah-saurus would totally destroy Raptor Jesus in a fight to the death.
This puts Muslims a few steps ahead of Christians.
Sure sucks to be them. Thank God for Atheism / Agnosticism.
Other major religions such as Hinduism and Sikhism have no dinosaurs attributed to them as of current.
So a clear winner cannot be decided, although one could assume the Hindus will come out on top as they have multiple Gods.
And even the T-Rex would have a hard time Vs. multiple adversaries. I mean, he was defeated by King Kong for fucks sake.
Raptor Jesus: rawr The Bible was written by God himself, I should know I was there when he wrote it.
Christians: Teach us more Raptor Jesus!
Raptor Jesus: It says here on the 3rd Day God created Dutch Tulips.
He put them in Holland so the Windmills would keep them cool...
Allah-saurus: WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!!11
Allah-saurus lets out a terrible warcry
Raptor Jesus cowers in fear before the all mighty Allah-saurus.
Christians flee in terror.
167π 209π