College Confidential

A "college help forum" that breeds elite nerd factions. Everyone wants to know their "chances" of getting into a certain Ivy school, but everyone knows that if you don't have an inspiring life story you can't get in in the first place.

Another day at College Confidential...
Thread title: Chances

iluvphysics: Hey everyone, I want to know my chances of getting into the University of Chicago. Someone please tell me if these are remotely good enough?

Caucasian male, 5.1 GPA Freshman year
5.2 GPA Sophomore year
5.5 GPA Junior year
(weighted with extra summer classes)
2400 on the SAT, 36 on the ACT (re-took them 6 times)
President of Debate Club, French NHS, Science NHS, National Honor Society, Class Vice President, Treasurer for Spanish NHS, Art NHS,
Member of almost every club at school
Did Basketball, Tennis, and Track all four years, winning excessive awards and breaking more records than I have fingers,
Worked 3 jobs and was promoted my Senior year to leadership positions in all of them,
Recieved the Governor's Teen Award
Mayor's Top 10 award
National Merit Scholar
And numerous other academic awards,
Did 5000+ hours of community service,
Won the National Physics Bowl championship 4 years in a row

So will somebody PLEASE tell me if I have the FAINTEST chance of MAYBE getting in?

gradezarecool: I think you have a very strong chance of getting in, just like me.
mathdude101: And me!
SocratesSquared: Me, too. We'll all get in.

Thread title: Chances
chucknorris51: Hey guys, I want to get into the University of Chicago. Can someone help me out?
White dude from Colorado,
3.85 GPA Freshman year
3.65 GPA Sophomore year
4.06 GPA Junior year
(all weighted)
Did 70 hours of community service
Played tennis on JV for 3 years
Member of Gaming Club, French NHS, Science NHS
Got a 30 on my ACT
Worked a paper route for 4 years

Thanks
gradezarecool: YOU HAVE NO AWARDS?? No chance of getting in. You need at least a 36 on the ACT to even qualify.
mathdude101: OMG, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Not a chance. How could you even think of qualifying?
SocratesSquared: Wow, you're really stupid.
chucknorris51: Well, I did survive arm cancer when I was 4 years old and have been recovering all my life, even learning to play the guitar and tennis. What sets you guys apart?
gradezarecool: My extracurriculars.
mathdude101: My extracurriculars.
SocratesSquared: My extracurriculars.
chucknorris51: I see. So you really think I have no chance?
gradezarecool: NO CHANCE!!
mathdude101: NO WAY!!
SocratesSquared: I HAVE A TINY PENIS!! I mean, NO WAY!!
chucknorris51: Hah. Retards.

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