Honey bear

When you take a mason jar full of honey and shove your penis in it. Once your penis is covered, go to the woods, find a good tree, then hold onto a branch and just wait until a big bear finds you. You can’t move when he starts licking or else the bear might get suspicious and bite your penis off. Once it is almost done, drop down and run as fast as you can butt-naked with your dick swinging between your legs until the bear stops chasing you.

Mike: Yesterday I pulled the sneakiest Honey bear known to man.
Diego: That’s sick! I wish I could’ve seen it.

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The Chinese Fingertrap

When a Chinese woman is so tight that when you try to insert your penis into her vagina it gets stuck. When you try to thrust or escape, you just get deeper and more stuck until you are stuck there for eternity.

Nick: Did you hear about what happened to Jakob last week?
Cullen: No what happened?
Nick: He was trying to fuck Carly and he got stuck in The Chinese Fingertrap. He just died from starvation last week.

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