tight as a boiled owl

(1)The state of being extremely drunk on alcoholic beverages.
(2)Sadly no longer used, Victorian term for being extremely drunk or hungover. Should be brought back into the lexicon.

Bro 1: How you feeling bro?
Bro 2: Tight as a boiled owl.
Bro 1: Bro, you’re intoxicated.

9👍 2👎

michael phelps hit

An extremely big bong rip.
So big that it could only be accomplished by someone with lungs as powerful as the Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps.

(1)Remember when Michael Phelps was hitting the bong at a party in South Carolina? That was the definition of a ‘michael Phelps hit’.

(2)Make that guy go last in the circle. You know he will take a ‘michael Phelps hit’.

Jinx Whore

When someone (usually a sports commentator) brings up a record/streak before the play, in secret hopes that the player/person/team fails so that someone (usually a sports commentator) can say ‘oh man I jinxed him’

Tom mentioned that the pitcher was fixing to have a perfect game and the next pitch resulted in a home run. Tom is such a jinx whore

ghost monkey

When you allow your opponent in fantasy football to set your lineup as a way to get in said opponent’s head. This causes your opponent to second guess every move including when s/he sets their own lineup.

He put the ghost monkey on my back and caused me to lose the fantasy football match.