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Short for 'Fuck the Navy'. Usually written as graffiti on the walls of U.S. Navy ship's heads (i.e., restrooms, shithouses, shitters), walls around chow lines, and wooden benches. It is often believed that these statements result from job frustration and the belief that the sailors' efforts are not appreciated by the sailors' superiors, family members, or the nation as a whole. More commonly, it arises from heterosexual frustration due to the fact that there are no women to sleep with when you are on a ship (Navy is 90% male, 10% female, and most of the women get cushy shore duty billets anyway).
Petty Officer Shortshank bent down, unbuttoned his thirteen-button bell-bottom trousers (the stupidest pants in the history of pants), and repainted the toilet bowl a grim greenish, chocolate brown. He looked at the walls beside him, both of which were so close that they touched both of his elbows. On the starboard side was a glory hole and on the port side a piece of gum had been stuck onto the wall and formed into the shape of a nipple, surrounded by the words "This is the only tit you'll see today, squid." He did not, however, see any of that thin, pulpy shit paper he needed to wipe the smelly residue from last night's Schlitzfest from his hind quarters. Even the shitpaper holder had been ripped from the wall. In its place were the letters 'F.T.N.' Shortshank sighed and said, "You got that right.'
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Similar to the rumored five-fingered Kung-Fu pimp slap of death, Canada's History is a sexual technique which can alternately lead to either a 36-hour orgasm .... or death.
Instruments used to initiate the illicit 'Canada's History' include a harmonica, a Plastic Man action figure, 2 lbs. of Wendigo fur, a vat of maple syrup, a jar of Nutella, a live duck, 2 packets of duck sauce, the Stanley Cup (full-size replica is allowed), a moose (live or mounted), a kazoo, the complete works of Era Pound, a tazer gun, 4 oz. of tatto ink, a ball gag, and a roll of Canadian quarters. For best results, individuals attempting Canada's History should have endured either a colonoscopy or a pedicure just hours before attempting the procedure.
International treaties prohibit the actual depiction of the technique, although a loophole allows us to provide a list of individuals who may or may not have attempted (and possible even survived) Canada's History:
Betty White
William Shatner
Grape Ape
Lex Luthor
Pres. William McKinley
D. B. Cooper
The black guy from Ghostbusters
Ronald McDonald
Naomi Wolf
Glen Beck
John Luvitz
Redd Foxx
and Rhea Perlman
"Hey, man, are you still getting laid when you go to Niagara Falls for vacation?'
"Well, let's just say Canada's History and leave it at that."
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The derivative name of Capital University Law School, located in Columbus, OH.
"Where did you go to law school?"
"I went to Crapital."
"Well, good luck...NEXT."
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the thing that is working just fine
Sarah Palin: "How is that hopey changey thing workin' out for ya'?"
Responder: "It's working just fine, bitch."
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