Gazumped on a Breville

When your day is going so badly even the small things go wrong, like you can't even win an eBay auction for a used Breville sandwich toaster your luck runs so bad.

I Hump Day never fails to disspoint. Today it is another day of incessant party wall banging, and power tool usage from next door, AND I've been gazumped on a Breville at the 11th hour 🤦 ♀️

Airplane Knickers

The sort of knickers that are always quick to take off when the time is right.

Eh Joe, do you think that redhead on the dancefloor will shag me if I ask ?
Phil mate, I fucked her last week, she has 'airplane knickers'.

Utter Shit

When something is beyond being simply crap, rubbish or even shit.
It then becomes Utter Shit, the absolute pinnacle of crappiness.

"Hi there Hywel, what do you think of the new Facebook user interface"

"The NEW Facebook user interface is utter UTTER SHIT. It's aimed at people who use phones and tablets and NOT people who use web browsers which can actually do context based browsing and not the stupid context less browsing that the phones are designed to do. It is SHIT of the brownest and smelliest... despite its stupid teletubby rounded button look."

Dry Wank

To clean the pipes of ones pink oboe with no jazz score to hand.

I had a painfukl dry wank last week when the interent went down for a day; Rubbed my cock raw.