lax bro

a lax bro is a guy who plays the dope sport called lax. He acts pretty gay, using language like “broski” , “stoked”, and “brah” to communicate with other fellow lax bro members. They grow their hair to their shoulders which is known as “the flow”. 99.999% of the time a lax bro is white and originates from the east coast of America. They drive yachts, get hoes, and wear preppy clothing like vineyard vines polos, madras, rainbow reefs, high white socks, and hemp necklaces. Some common lax bro names are Shawn, Chad, Todd, Brian, and Brett. Lax is their god, and he will always come first. #BrosBeforeHoes #LaxBeforeHoes

*Arrives at Nantucket*

Cassie: “Wow, so many hotties! What species are they?!”

Chelsea: “They are known as the lax bros.”

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Kardashian

An irritating species that dwells in the lovely state of California. They like their coffee how they like their men, except for the exception of Scott Disick. They use strange vocabulary because they never got an education. Plastic surgery is their god and they wouldn’t be rich without it. They’re so desperate for attention they’ll post nudes on their social media’s even though they have fucking kids.

North: “Mommy how did you become famous?!”

Kim Kardashian: “shit...”

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Pope

A creepy ass old guy who is swimming in riches as he watches the rest of the world suffer. He acts like he cares about people but he doesn’t give a flying fuck. He just wants his $$$.

*Whole continent gets bombed*

Pope: “Oh how tragic.”

*Gets paid for speaking*

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Instagram

Instagram is basically hell. It is a stupid app that controls and manipulates the minds of its users. People get anxiety over how many likes they get or how many followers. Girls daydream of hot guys following them so they post extra scandalous photos. They become so egotistical and taking selfies and pictures for the gram just becomes the daily for them. People actually think this shit matters so some even become known as ‘Instagram Stars’ or ‘Instagram Models’ who we all know don’t get that perfect bod naturally. These famous instagramers lie and promote facades so they can get their $$$. They don’t actually care about your silly comments, edits, or fan pages. Wanna become instafamous? Just start taking off your clothes! It’ll attract the most idiotic and horny people but at least you’re getting that strong like-game amirite? #Brainwashed #FuckThisShitImOut #Instagram #LessClothesMoreLikes

*At the beach, but doesn’t give a shit about the beach itself. Just there for the photos*

Brittany: “Omg Fay, can you take a picture of me by the water?”

Fay: “I guess so...”

Brittany: “Take at least 20 photos. And move to the right so my ass looks bigger. Gotta arch that back!!”

Fay: “What the hell is this for? Were you hired by an agency or something?”

Brittany: “No, silly!! It’s for my Instagram followers!! I MUST keep them updated on my life at every second. If I don’t take good photos and have dope captions, I’ll lose followers!! I wouldn’t know what to do with myself!!”

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