Bummaphone

A musical instrument played via buggery, comprised of various sodomites bent over in a line and thrust upon to elicit the desired tone, pitch and sound for a shithole symphony.
Not to be confused with Marvin Suggs and the Muppaphone, the name Bummaphone is a modern colloquial term for the Greek instrument "Sodomophone" coined from the Ancient Greek word Σόδομα (Sódoma) and φωνή (phōnḗ) sound, voice.

"Hey Johno, what you up to this weekend?"

"Oh i'm off to Barrow-In-Furness to take part in the north west Bummaphone Philarsemonic Orchestra performance at the forum."

"Are you the performer or the receiver?"

"Oh no, unfortunately I've been banned from playing the bummaphone since I performed Beethoven's 5th in A minor"

Rusty fluegelhorn

Not to be confused with the rusty trombone or rusty bagpipe, the rusty fluegelhorn is a more esoteric sexual performance which requires coordination and dexterity due to the physical condition of the recipient.

First and most importantly, remove the recipients colostomy bag. Insert fingers or stimulating implement of choice into the anus. The free hand fondles the genitals. The mouth and tongue is then used to provide cunnilingus to the stoma hole for the sexual wind instrument effect.

"Hey Johno, what you up to this weekend?"

"I'm off busking in Barrow-In-Furness on Saturday. Clinging's gone and got himself a stoma so we've upgraded our act from the Rusty Trombone to a Rusty Fluegelhorn. We'll be playing Ibiza classics by the statue on Portland Walk."