Telephone dick

A dick that looks like a telephone

Guy 1: "Whoa that looks like my dick"

Guy 2: "Dude, that's a telephone"

Guy 1: "Yeah, I have a telephone dick"

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Schrodinger's shutdown

During a government shutdown, the government doesn't have the money to provide services or pay its employees, but citizens still have taxes taken from their paycheck.

"Wait, the national park is closed? Where the hell did 30% of my paycheck go?"
"Who knows man, it's Schrodinger's shutdown"