swami

A person who knows and points out the truth before you can weasel your way out of it. A type of a mind reader.

I thought I could get away with fibbing about sneaking food in the middle of the night. Little did I know I was dealing with a swami, and she doesn't let me get away with anything! The woman can read my mind!!!

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I hit lefty, but only in baseball

A metaphorical way of a telling a gay or lesbian you are straight and have no desire or capacity for a same-sex hookup.
You tell a bi I switch hit, but only in baseball.

At the batting cage....
Lesbian standing outside cage: I just LOOOVEE the way you swing the bat left-handed. Can you hit lefty with me?
Me: Hell, no! I hit lefty, but only in baseball! I I throw righty.

9👍 13👎

poof out

To sneak out of the house without your fellow household members knowing where you are, and not leave your loved ones any way of contacting you.

You forever poof out on us, so I might have to file a missing persons report.

I checked the kid's room in the morning only to find out he poofed out in the middle of the night.

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Grave

The most comfortable part of your bed, often slept in by your dog or cat without the human's permission.

Every night, I find my cat sleeping in my grave. I have to throw him off the bed so I can get some sleep!!

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Election year moderate

A politician, usually an ultraconservative, fascist Republican, but occasionally an ultraliberal, who pretends to take moderate positions on important political issues during an election year. Once elected, this politician will suddenly forget his or her campaign promises and govern from the fringes.

Election year moderates from the far right: Rick Santorum (latin for Asshole); George W. Bush; from the far left: George McGovern (1972)

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self-hater

An idiot with so great a self-esteem issue that he or she is bigoted against members of his or her own race, gender, national origin, religion, or culture.

What a self-hater! She's whiter than snow yet she not only thinks she's black, she has the unmitigated gall to tell me I'm the hater because I have a problem with those who won't accept themselves as they really are.

I'm tired of conservative women, self-haters who parade around telling us women shouldn't vote.

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pussy whipped bitch

A female dog who is regularly dominated by one or more cats. Her male counterpart is called a pussy whipped son of a bitch

I can't rely on that mutt to guard the house--she's such a pussy whipped bitch that the cats could do a better job of keeping out intruders!

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