Satanic Panic

Satanic panic is a phenomenon where angry old Christian conservatives (also see noncervatives) start clutching their pearls about anything totally harmless bring "evil" or spewing complete nonsense about how the devil is trying to "brainwash" people. Recently started facing a very noticeable resurgence around the time the 2024 Paris Olympics started, where drag queens performed in the opening ceremony (which due to being filmed for a live audience, was totally family friendly).

Naturally, these pissed off old people with no life have taken to standing around all day in the streets throughout many states, holding up signs telling people to more or less convert to Christianity or Catholicism. These 'protests' aren't always peaceful though, as a few instances reported these same people with signs crying Satanic panic, have resorted to attempting to more or less kidnap unattended children or outright trying to grab them from their parents, hinting at these conservatives' more naturally predatory instincts.

If you encounter an instance of Satanic panic, hide your kids and hide your wives/husbands/partners, but most importantly, remember to yell the word Nonce as loud as you can. That way, their Satanic panic will be cured in no time. Worst case scenario, call the authorities, kidnapping is against the law.

If you or someone you know is showing signs or has a history of Satanic panic, seek help today.

Susan: I heard Benjamin ended up on the register last week

Helen: Benjamin?? What did he do?

Susan: The Satanic panic got to him, I heard they found 3 girls dressed in white and tied up in his basement!

Helen: This is getting out of control, I hope he's getting the help he clearly needs