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The North Face is an exceptionally good clothing manufacturer headquartered in my hometown, Alameda, California, aka the coolest Bay Area city you've never heard of. The North Face makes outdoor and casual wear that is extremely well made, and looks good too. Their hoodies are among the best I've ever owned.
Some people label it as Yuppie clothing, but that's just because they're freezing their asses off in their Supreme leather jacket. Why spend $300 on a skimpy designer jacket made from napkins when you can spend $40 on the warmest motherfucking hoodie ever?
I'll leave it at that.
Me- "The North Face makes great clothes!"
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Vans are a popular shoe brand created in 1966 by Paul and Jim Van Doren in Aneheim, California. Originally sold as deck shoes for sailors, the idea was that one could customize their shoes to order, with whatever fabric or foxing color you wanted. The shoes became very popular in the Surf, and later Skate, communities and are today renowned as a Skate shoe company. The company has many popular designs, such as the Authentic (originally the #44), the slip-on, the Old-Skool, the Half-Cab, and the Sk8-hi. The shoes have remained popular since pretty much their conception, and are some of the nicest, most durable shoes out there. Vans are worn by pretty much anyone under the sun, but are especially popular in Skate, Ski/Snowboard, Surf, BMX , and Heavy Metal communities. The shoe has also become synonymous with Basics and Posers in recent times, and it is sad to see such capable shoes being used by people who will never use them to their full potential. The shoes were also slandered by a certain meme, which I won't mention, but I'm sure you know the name of. In conclusion, Vans are continually popular, and are extremely useful and good-looking, shoes.
Person: "I just got some new Half Cab Vans boi"
Me: "Sweet!"
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Snapchat is a Social media app that is beginning the slow decline to being forgotten.
It is most commonly used by teens and young adults.
Snapchat is a thoroughly overrated social media app that bills itself as being unique, when it simply takes an already existing idea, and runs with it.
It is also harped upon by Buzzfeed, so if that isn't a red flag, I don't know what is.
Snapchat's main feature is a photo and video sharing system that allows users to share media that disappears after ten seconds or less. Users can also live stream and add 10 second clips to a function called their "Story", which they can update all day. These can be viewed as many times as possible for 24 hours before being permanently deleted.
The app also includes "lenses", or filters that make the user look incredibly childish and stupid. One of the most commonly used is the Dog Filter also known as the Hoe Filter.
The app also makes use of advertisements to an obscene degree, which allows corporations to come even closer to people, and pin them with marketing that appears very benevolent, but is just as retarded as any other ad.
Snapchat's parent company, Snap, Inc is a poorly run company that has also released Snapchat Spectacles, a wholly useless wearable camera that is somewhere between Google Glass and a Forever 21 product. Tends to be worn by typical Snapchat basics.
So basically, fuck Snapchat.
Typical loser- "I've got 10 snap streaks going!"
Me- "So you think that's actually something to be proud of?"
Loser- "Um... yes?"
Me- "Fucking yuppie scum, you'll never amount to anything if you keep on using Snapchat. "
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Converse, also known as "Chucks", are massively overpriced canvas "Shoes" that are more like socks with rubber soles. They are known to fall apart after only two months of regular use, and are only popular due to their "cute" look and multitude of colors and patterns, an effort to, it seems, imitate the vastly superior Vans. Not only are they fragile, they are also uncomfortable, and can range from passably nice-looking, to ugly as all hell. Despite this, they have a massive following, probably due to the brand's ownership by Nike. This still doesn't negate the fact that they are overpriced and overhyped, cheaply made canvas shoes. People who wear Converse tend to be a whole multitude of "groups", but are most commonly seen on the edgy kids, the "artistic" kids, and the punk kids who desperately wish they were born in the 1970's. Converse are also associated with the offbeat teen film genre, very popular with either adults stuck in their childhood, or basics/posers. In short, Converse are overrated shoes that really should have stayed in the 20th century. One is much better off buying Vans, SeaVees, Adidas, or Huf shoes, as they are in the same $40-$70 price range, and are far more comfortable, durable, and better looking.
-This was written by a teen, so this is not a case of grumpy old man syndrome, and he is quite happy with his Vans and SeaVees
Cuck (who desperately wishes they were born in the 70s, it must have been SO much better back then)- "I just got my new Converse, they're SOOO cute XD"
Me (a sane and rational human being)-"you realize you could have spent those $55 dollars on a pair of shoes that don't disintegrate in the rain, and are ACTUALLY comfortable?"
Cuck- (Goes on rant about retroness and aesthetic, and feels)
Me- (Smiles and shakes my head)
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The cheese-flavored snack that supposedly smiles back, but tends to vary in that regard. Some Goldfish are all smiles, but others appear to have no smile at all. Interesting.
The original is usually the best, and with Goldfish, that is no exception. The "flavor blasted" varieties are absolutely disgusting, and the person who thought that making pizza-flavored crackers shaped like fish was absolutely fucked in the head.
Goldfish are promoted by a band of anthropomorphic fish, which are thoroughly annoying, and somewhat detract from the enjoyment of the crackers. The leader of this band of fish is named "Finn" (Ha Ha), and is somehow able to wear sunglasses, despite having eyes on the side of his head, and having no nose. He is also joined by other fish, one of which is named "X-Treme". I can only assume that he was born in the 90's. X-Treme also represents the 'Flavor blasted" variety, which happens to be the exact reason why I despise X-Treme.
The crackers are produced by Pepperidge Farms, and sold internationally. They are quite good. In fact, I am eating some at this moment (the original flavor, duh).
Person- "you want some Goldfish?'
Me- "Hell yeas"
Person- (Pours Goldfish into my hands)
In unison- "The snack that smiles back!"